Friendships: My Weakness - Or Not?

 

All sorts of studies detail what is important for a healthy, happy retirement. I am generally OK at the eating, sleeping, and exercising parts. But, in one area, I fall short. Actually, I may be a non-starter. And that is in the category of having meaningful friendships. 

Since Betty and I will celebrate our 47th anniversary at the end of June, and my relationship with her, our daughters, son-in-law, and grandkids is at the core of my satisfaction with my life, I must be referring to a different type.

I have a severe shortage of meaningful, non-relative friends. The type of person I could call if there is an emergency. The one person I would reach out to if disaster struck. One or two friends who would join me for lunch or to watch a sporting event at a bar on a Saturday afternoon. The people on speed-dial.

I can turn it up a notch in social situations where the folks are acquaintances or casual friends: the kind I interact with at church or the library during one of my volunteer shifts. Small talk, the smile where appropriate, the words meant to encourage or support; I can do all that well. My social image is one of approachability and affirmation.

Those people are important to me, but not in a "Help Me!" situation. Nor would any of them likely think to call me to be there holding a hand or commiserating about anything. These relationships are several steps above "Hi, neighbor," but not approaching serious.

I have been very content with solo time with my wife and family for most of my life. I am not a loner in the classic sense, but I could never be a politician; the glad-handing and constant social interactions would drive me off a cliff. 

Even my career in radio mostly involved sitting in a closed studio, talking into a microphone, with no real interaction with whoever was listening. I was performing as much for myself as I was for my audience.

This leads me to the point of this post: are deep, meaningful friendships a requirement for a fulfilling life? Am I missing out on what a good buddy or two would add to my days? Or, am I what I am, content in my own skin, with myself, my thoughts, and my hobbies, not needing with seems to be a real gap in my retirement?

Except for one or two people who don't live near me but have become dear friends through blogging and visits, I have never had many profound friendships. Since I was either in a radio station or working for myself, the water cooler environment was never really part of my life. I really never had co-workers, only clients.

I have made some good friends through blogging. Several times those contacts have turned into meals together, game nights, traveling to see each other, or simply talking about our day. These are enriching interactions.

When I was a counselor for both just-released prisoners and people struggling with personal problems, I formed more intense bonds, but they were, by definition, short-term and confidential-type interactions.

As a member of a ham radio club fifteen years ago, there were one or two men who I would count as dependable sounding boards. 

With one in particular, I enjoyed a deeper friendship. That ended when I moved away from the area. Unfortunately, he became sick and passed away a few years ago. 

There is a possibility that when Betty and I move to a retirement community in three or four years, the various clubs, social activities, and seeing many of the same people during meals will evolve into deeper relationships.

Or, a lifetime of simply being more solitary and enjoying that status will not change much.

What I really wonder is if I am missing out on a part of living that would add to its enjoyment.  Am I living the way that I seems best for me? Or am I staying in a comfort zone and avoiding the work of adding another dimension to my life?