At our age, when the idea of an ending arises, our thoughts may turn to the Big Ending. That is only natural. After all, there is a real finality to its occurrence.
Yet, actually, life is nothing but endings, most small, some more consequential, but as inevitable as the sun in the morning and rain on the day of the big family picnic, endings signal a conclusion to something, and the beginning of something else.
Off the top of my head, consider these examples of endings:
* A relationship with someone that was either as unserious as a brief summer romance or as heartbreaking as a divorce or the death of a parent or best friend.
* Graduation from High School - adulthood straight ahead
* Graduation from higher education - adulthood still straight ahead
* The last sunset of a perfect vacation - the last sunset of a horrible vacation
* The first day your first child goes off to kindergarten
* The last page of a tremendous novel
* The last episode of a favorite TV show
* The final brushstroke on a painting you are happy with
* Turning off the last light at the end of the day
* The alarm that abruptly ends a tremendous dream
* The last paycheck - the first day of retirement that marks the end of employment
* Having to put a beloved pet down
* The end of loneliness when the new pet comes home.
* The end of winter
I have barely scratched the surface of things in our daily life that qualifies as endings. An entirely different post could deal with what begins after something else ends. Life does not let us rest too long in either sadness or joy. The is always something that follows; it may be better or worse but it will happen.
Think about your own life:
* What are the saddest or happiest endings that come to mind?
* What ending had the biggest impact on your life? Has your perspective about that happenstance shifted over time?
* Was the end of something the beginning of an event that changed your life for the better?
* Was there an ending that caught you completely by surprise? How did that play out?
There's enough to get your brain bubbling with thoughts. Share what you'd like, or simply think privately about the phenomenon of endings....and beginnings.
Interesting post, but I couldn't help having the reaction (like I assume many others will): When one door closes, another opens.
ReplyDeleteThat is really the essence of life, isn't it? At times it feels more like a revolving door with experiences leaving and entering at almost a non-stop pace.
DeleteTom, I really hate sounding like Debbie Downer, but I don't really agree with this. Sometimes things change forever and you just have to deal. My mother died when I was 16, no other door opened.
DeleteA recent ending for my wife was the final radiation treatment for her breast cancer. We had spent 7 months away from home for her surgery, chemo and then radiation. The ending was very emotional as we were ending a very bad experience but were about to begin the next chapter of recovery and the joy of returning home. That was almost a year ago, but the experience will be with us forever.
ReplyDeleteMy very best wishes to you and your wife for continuing healing and cancer-free checkups in her future.
DeleteThis is a powerful example of the ending of something terrifying and emotional with a return to more normalacy that feels so much like a new beginning.
1. A dear friend exiting my life and my relationship w/Godson gone (her new husband told her he didn't like me). At age 26 that was devastating.
ReplyDelete2. Dad died when I was 33 and Mom when I was 46. The family "glue" was now gone.
3. We never had kids and people with kids tend toward others with kids be they family or friends. It's different now that we're in our 60s but still that "kid glue" isn't present. It's amazing how many assumed we didn't like kids. It is what it is right?
4. Leaving my first professional job (boss had been overly demanding and borderline abusive of my time and even 80h/week wasn't good enough for her). But oh that new beginning? The next 8 y of my career were 99.99% BLISS. My team and I had the best days of our lives there.
New beginnings indeed. The past belongs there as we explore today. This new life we received with sunrise and another breath 💗
I should have asked you to write the final paragraph of this post. The imagry is powerful.
DeleteThis reminds me of a Sam Harris podcast I listened to on Youtube a few months ago. The brief chapter on "The Last Time" begins at the 11:08 mark. His example of the last time he went skiing rings true for me, although in my case it was golf.
ReplyDeleteWe're forever doing things in life for the last time, but it's often not clear to us until much later that we may have enjoyed that experience for the last time. And often, even if we do eventually return to a place or an activity we once enjoyed, the feeling that made it so meaningful to us in the first place can prove to be elusive.
The author, Thomas Wolfe wrote, "You can't go home again." Like your point, he didn't mean literally one couldn't go back to their childhood home, but the experiences that made it special could not be replicated.
DeleteThe past leaves us with memories, some good and some bad. I take comfort in the fact that new experiences are occuring today that be memories tomorrow.
I found the Sam Harris segment very impactful when I listened to it. It speaks directly to some of the thoughts expressed here. This is the link to the segment on YouTube for those interested:
Deletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=766EnGvQAnE&t=22s
Rick in Oregon
My last year as a teacher was supposed to be a year of "last times". But, after teaching the entire COVID 2020-2021 year on Zoom--which was definitely not like anything I would call teaching--and knowing things were not going to be "normal" still the next year, I decided to retire. It was bittersweet to not have that final year of savoring each day and lesson as an intentional "last time", but the decision was the right one for me, and I have been honestly amazed at being so "done" with my 35-year career as a teacher. I will always regret not having that intentional consciousness that a planned last year would have been, but it has been truly instructive to see me move on, and to realize THAT is really how life is...it just flows on and on, and I have to ride the waves where they take me. There is no turning around to try to swim upstream.
ReplyDeleteI like the image of the trying to swim upstream. You can do it for awhile, but eventually the water, and life wins and you move with the flow.
DeleteAs the result of a brain clot, my single parent mother died when I was 20 years old, during my freshman year in college--an ending. One week later, her longtime boyfriend, Mr. Jones, moved me into his home--a beginning. His home environment was so peaceful and quiet. He was not a substance abuser, in contrast to my mother who was an emotionally neglectful alcoholic. His home was only 2 blocks away from the bus stop for easy transportation to college. On top of that he refused my offer to pay rent. He said, "I just want to help you." I had four of the happiest years of my life at Mr. Jones' home. Today, I have a portrait of him (which I painted over 50 years ago) hanging in the foyer of my home.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely story.
DeleteI agree with Anne. Your story fits the post perfectly.
DeleteA beautiful story of humans. Having someone step up so you could thrive, I cannot imagine the relief (is there a word?) to have a soft place to fall as you moved toward adulthood after so much trauma. Sending you huge hugs! Thank you for sharing.
DeleteThese posts and this entry remind me that we live in a fallen and imperfect world. I often find myself wondering how to address such a world. Endings create change, and change can be uncomfortable. Do we welcome change, or do we resist it? How does change affect us? I suppose these questions cannot generate universal responses -- they are personal and intimate.
ReplyDelete