You see them on the side of milk containers, or on the tops of canned goods. Over-the-counter medicines and treatments have them, too. The "best if used by" date is when the manufacturer has determined that a product is past the time when you should consume or use it.
The cynic in me says those dates are designed to get us to replace a perfectly good product with a new one. I know when we cleaned out my dad's apartment after his passing, we found things in his medicine cabinet that were years too old but still worked for him, and had nothing to do with his cause of death.. So, I fudge a bit. A can of mixed fruit probably won't kill me if the date was five months ago. But, after a nasty experience with turned milk, that date I follow.
So, here is a random thought: what if humans had a "best if used by" date stamped on our can (butt), or somewhere on our body? How would that affect how we spend our days?I like this question because there is no correct answer. In fact, the question is answerable only in the abstract. To decide what I would have done differently for the past 73 years or what I will do in the time remaining if I learned when I was going to expire, is simply an interesting mental exercise, isn't it?
Another version of this would be, "what would you do if you knew you had one year to live?" My answer (and more importantly, yours) gets to the heart of what we have decided is important to us. It helps us clarify what we have learned that makes our life worth living. With an expiration date, we have no more fantasy about the lie we tell ourselves that "there's always tomorrow" or "I have all the time in the world to do that."
If I had an expiration date or just discovered my "best if used by " stamp what would I do differently? A few thoughts may get you to ask yourself the same questions and entertain us with your answers. Of course, how long in the future I have until I expire affects my answers. So, just for sake of argument, let's assume it is 5 years in the future:
* My to-do list each day would probably look different.
* I would see some of the sights I promised to see "someday."
* I would cut back on computer time.
* How I spend my retirement money would change.
* My spiritual life would likely deepen and strengthen.
* I would leave a book of my life lessons for my children and grandkids.
Because this is just a fantasy (I hope!) it is hard to say what else might be on this list. But, the last item jumped out at me as probably the most important.
Of more lasting value may be what I can pass on to my kids and their kids. Like you, I have had my troubles. I have been fired, seen the dark side of some financial reversals, watched a business I built fail, had family members die, and struggled to be the kind of husband I promised to be 46 years ago.
Even so, I take the Satisfying Retirement title of this blog very seriously. If my life hadn't been one of learning and growing, solving problems, and moving forward my retirement wouldn't look like it has. If my health and finances hadn't held up so far, there is little doubt I would be different.
There should be some life lessons that someone else in my family can benefit from. I feel obligated to tell them what I know to spare them as many stumbles as possible. I would spend some of my remaining time writing down what I have learned from this journey that has been my life. Hopefully, I would honestly detail my failures and missteps as much as my successes. In that way, the things I have learned would not stop when I reached my due date.
I should quickly add I do not want to know my expiration date. If a fortune teller wants to read my palms to check on my "Life Line," I will politely decline. If some fancy DNA test says my odds are 72% I will live until I am 84, that's great, but it isn't gospel.
Interesting things to think about. I find thinking my expiration date is somewhere between today and when I turn 100 helps me both be present and plan for the future. Juhli
ReplyDelete100 years old...nicely aggressive! My dad made it to 91 and my maternal grandmother to 92. Those sound like reasonal expiration dates for me.
DeleteWell, Bob, we actually do have a best before date if you consider the average life expectancy of a human. Like all best before dates, that can be impacted by many things, i.e., the milk was contaminated; the container was damaged; it wasn't refrigerated; it spilt; etc. Who on your blog says - if not now, when? Explore ethical wills for a writing project to pass on your values and history. I would say yes more to capitalize on experiences with the people I love if I had a prescribed finite date.
ReplyDeleteIt is encouraging that every year we survive, our likely average end date extends just a bit further into the future.
DeleteI would like to pursue the ethical will idea. I have another retirement book in the works, but that would be my last on this subject. So, something for those left behind would be an excellent next project.
If I knew I had one year to live I would go ahead and give everything to the kids, quit my job, and go rent an apt 2000 mikes away close to grandkids so I could travel back and forth between grown kids here and my family far away. I might take a beach trip with one of my local kids but really, I would spend as much time with family as possible. I do know they would have work/school also so would not want to monopolize their time so would rotate seeing all my kids for short visits. The travel
ReplyDeletepriority would be to visit family,
not really see places. Since I hope I have far more than a year, I am still working and still seeing sights, as well as seeing family. Cindy in the South
There aren't many of us who would say we have seen enough of family and loved ones as our time expires. Of course, there are fractured families and abusive relationships, which would make this approach difficult.
DeleteYet, if there ever is a time to try for some healing and forgiveness, this would be it.
Well, I laughed out loud at the thought of Best By dates stamped on our butts. But, honestly, we are already living like there is no tomorrow, and have been for years. Not all family relationships are successful and we have to accept what we are given, or not given. Our travel bucket list has mostly been checked off, and sometimes we laughingly wrack our brains for something to spend money on. So not a thing would change for us.
ReplyDeleteI can't really see my own butt anymore, so I depend on my dematologist to to point out anything odd. Since I had my yearly checkup 3 weeks ago and he didn't say anything, I am good to go.
DeleteThe pandemic, cancelled vacation plans, and the sorry state of the world has put me in a much more "today" mindset.
Having retired 3y ago at age 58 and then having covid cancel all my year 1 plans, I am again traveling (hubster still works so goes on the half of my trips that interest him ;-). I have a friend 1800 miles away who can't afford to come here. I have a newly married niece in that same town. I just returned from 10d there, spending time with both plus some sightseeing/walking days for me. It was a great time and only 3 hotel nights. Hubster and I went on a 15d NASCAR vacation attending 4 races and spending 4d with friends who moved there 3y ago.
ReplyDeleteWe'll do more of this.
If I knew my butt said "2024", I'd push hubster to retire NOW and we would hit all our remaining bucket list NASCAR tracks, buy a class A motorhome and hit as many National Parks as physically possible, I'd pay for Nursing School for my niece/nephew (they start in January). I am an immersion traveler not a "drive by" girl. I say that as I have a cousin who had a 50state bucket list. She considered an airport layover as a state visit. I absolutely disagree with that but she did complete that list before she died at age 51 so she "checked off" that one.
Other than escalating those items, I'm thoroughly enjoying my daily life :-) and assuming I'll travel for decades to come even if I slow down and walk a mile in a day of sightseeing instead of this last week's 7miles/day!
You always impress me with your range of activities. I am not a NASCAR guy, but I did attend one race at PIR several years ago and found it rather exciting.
DeleteI no longer have a bucket list. My list now is just to enjoy each day to its fullest, plan on future travel but not stress if something ruins it, and realize I have had a full and satisfying life so far. If if ends tomorrow, I will die happy.
The only benefit I can see of knowing my expiration date would be the spending of retirement funds. If I knew the date, I could divide the money by the number of years left. The shorter the date, the more I could spend! I think I prefer not knowing at this point.
ReplyDeleteAnd, by the way, yesterday, I ate some canned green chilis that expired in August and they were awesome! Also took a bite of some pretzels that expired in June, not so awesome.
I had a mild case of food poisioning yesterday..think it was bad sourdough bread that still had 3 days to go!
DeleteI have absolutely no desire to know the when or why of my demise. Staying in the darkis my plan.
Good thing to ponder, but then I just get a. It frustrated. Why do I not live like that now? Technically every tomorrow could be our expiration date, so every today our best buy date. I just thought about this and am getting the dog and taking more time away from my computer and getting outside. Small step.
ReplyDeleteI write posts like this as much for me as anyone. It is too easy to put off something that might be fun, enlightening, or just produce a big smile. A to-do list is too often the determining factor. How about a wanna-do list?
DeleteThings like change the water filter in the frig, or change the drip system timer would go away immediately!
ReplyDeleteI tend agree, though, that maintaining some sense of normalacy would help counter a feeling off helplessness.
Bottom line: I don't know when, but I accept the eventuality of the process and don't fret over my mortality.
Hi Bob, What would I change if I knew I were to die, in one month? Absolutely nothing. My current lifestyle is very simple. My Hubster and I traveled alot, in the 1970s-->1990, when we were in our 20s, 30s, and 40s. I am a retired RN + my hubster is now in his late 70s. We've been to St. Thomas, the Carribean, Florida, California, Aruba (previous VK area), the list goes on... Now, we prefer to be near out Newport, Rhode Ishand home, where every thing is handy.
ReplyDeleteLike you amd hubby I am quite happy being settled and near loved ones. We have a few more major trips in the next few years, but the urge to hit every corner of the globe is not there.
DeleteLife is good.
For sure. The dust is getting thick in our home but I've been having experiences instead. We won our Football game last night and it was a fantastic evening! (season ticket holders to our alma mater).
ReplyDeleteThe idea of having a sell by date on my butt made me LOL. But I'm not sure I'd change much. I can feel myself becoming more relaxed about a lot of things as I get older. I'd still like to do a bit of travel, but honestly, the travel stories aren't pleasant lately. So I'll wait. :-)
ReplyDeleteI have been a "future oriented" person almost all of my adult life (which I could have used more of as a teenager) and I could quite easily imagine what things will be like, more or less, in 10 years or so. This has been a good thing as it has focused me on long term goals that, for the most part, have paid off for me. Of course, now as I approach 70 looking 10 years into the future and try to imagine life a decade or so ahead, it looks blank. Not that I won't be still alive and kicking, all things going well, but I am finding that the long-term isn't so long anymore. That best before date is all too real and probably why I say "spend your retirement savings while you can" as often as I do.
ReplyDeleteI also think that a best before date is not an expiry date but rather that some things are better done while you still can. After that you may not have expired and moved on from this earth but there will come a point if you haven't done whatever it is you wanted to do, you never will. This has made live more in the present than I am used to but that's probably a good thing. It's always older people that say, "Live every day as if it's your last because it just might be" which is a good thought but as I heard someone else say, "If you live every day as if it were your last, you'll wake up with a lot of hangovers" which is just as true.
I suppose it's a balance though these days it is tipping more and more towards the present and not so much about the future which is changing how I do things bit by bit. Recognizing that now money is for spending and not for saving. As my financial adviser said to me at our meeting last week "You don't ever need to book a flight in an economy seat again if you don't want to". Less worry and more focus on those that I love and that love me.
Mr Davidson, your comment is poetic and so well said. I, too, am enjoying my retire meant savings, spending money on things I love the most, especially travel, theatre shows, and my snowbird lifestyle. I'm living life to the fullest right now. Consequently, I wouldn't do anything differently, irregardless of an expiration date.
DeleteDavid: you highlighted an important point that there is a big difference between a "best if used by" date and an expiration date. Just like a can of fruit is still safe to eat after the best by stamp, our life only ends when we end.
DeleteOver time there is an erosion of what we can do and want to do, but by no means does that mean sitting on the coach before that is our only option.
The other word I would highlight is "worry." That emotion is responsible for ending way too many dreams and desires much too soon.
Jake: it sounds to me as if you are not letting "worry" cramp your style. Good for you.
DeleteThis is in a way the complete opposite of everyone and I have had no words!!!! My sister’s husband abandoned her and 3 kids about 35 years ago (with another woman). She has never moved along, her absolute hate has contaminated the three girls lives (one has passed from alcoholism and another right now is in a MH hospital for MI/CD). This is crazy but about two months ago she told my sister if she knew she only had two weeks to live for sure if she could she would kill her ex and her daughters previous two partners (they weren’t nice). Now I’m not worried about anyone’s safety. She’s got heart issues….. (that hate in her heart can’t have helped!) but she was serious. I’ve actually just finally realized how sick she is and how I have to be done with the drama. I still support by phone some. Who wouldn’t just grab onto your kids and grandkids those past two week!! Can you really?!!! I knew she still harbored anger but OMG I still can’t get over her statement. She still has two daughters and 5 grandkids!
ReplyDeleteBecause your situation is so different, I really have no comment but to give your words a place to be seen.
DeleteA Pancreatic Cancer diagnosis really hits home. 3 years in and still going but every day is a look back and a contemplating of what's important. God is good and I know I've survived this long for a reason, now finding the reason is my goal. Live life but remember God is in control.
ReplyDeleteDave
Like you, I believe my life is supposed to strive toward a goal. What makes it all so interesting, and frustrating, is I don't know exactly what the reason is. So, I give my best effort everyday and trust in God to help me stay on track.
DeleteLike Dave, I got my "wake up and live" moment via a cancer diagnosis (when I was 50). Only 20% of those with my diagnosis were still alive after 5 years, and most had a recurrence of their cancer within two years. So two years became my timeline: if I only had two years left to live, what was most important? First to go were professional ambitions; I realized that I didn't really care if I got promoted to Full Professor or if I ever published an article in a scholarly journal. Moving up in my priorities were dreams of things that I thought I might do "some day;" I realized that "some day" was now! I finally got that deck that I had been dreaming about for years built on the back of my house, and I created a whole back garden to go around it, making the deck a relaxing and serene place to spend time.
ReplyDeleteA scare, or reality check, like you experienced can quickly focus the mind. Congratulations on beating the odds and best wishes for continuing remission.
DeleteSome day is today...so true.
I enjoyed all the comments here, Bob. What would I change if I knew my expiration date? Not one thing. I've already accomplished many accolades in my lifetime. I have 3 degrees, post high school, traveled with my husband of now almost 50 years when we were younger, been an aerobics instructor at our local YMCA, been a RN, been a business/medical teacher, been a wife, an auntie, a daughter, a sister, a best friend, a wild-fur mom, a feather mom, + a plant mom, been a cook, and Lord knows what else! So I wouldn't change one thing in my current Life. I am happy + retired.
ReplyDeleteWhat a satisfying list! Like you, I am happy with my time on this planet. There is really nothing of substance I would like to change or have a do-over. We are lucky folks.
Delete