A solid development among retirees is the desire to remain in one's home as long as possible. In fact, a recent study quoted by AARP shows 87% of those 65+ want to age in place for as long as it is safe. Even among those 10 years younger, 71% would opt to stay put. Familiarity and community ties are the biggest draws.
Even so, the market for retirement communities remains strong, In my area all the different Sun City communities and other planned offerings have adjusted to a more active lifestyle and the positives of providing care that includes nursing home facilities. Construction is very strong in the Phoenix area.
The ability to choose between staying home or moving to a retirement community or co-op housing setup is a new development. In part, it has occurred because there are more options available to receive medical care in one's home. With nursing facility costs out of reach for many retirees, it is good news that other choices exist.
For purposes of this post, let's assume you would like to stay where you are for as long as you can. What do you need to consider for this to be a logical, safe, and enjoyable decision? Here are several factors to mill over:
A single story home is almost a necessity. Certainly, your bedroom and bathroom should be on the first floor. As our knees and hips start to act up, a two or three story dwelling becomes dangerous. In addition to our joints, our balance erodes over time, making stairs a constant hazard. Adding stair lifts is expensive and not always feasible.
Doors must be wide enough to accommodate wheelchairs or walkers. The cabinets you use every day should be low enough to reach from a sitting position. Door knobs can be replaced with level handles. Throw rugs should be eliminated since they are a serious tripping hazard. The list of changes to your home can be long, but it is important. Take a fresh look at your home and decide what would have to be modified. Have an expert check your roof, heating and cooling system, electrical, and plumbing too.
2. Does your community help seniors age in place?
When you can no longer drive, is there a bus or senior transportation system that can take you to stores and medical appointments? Would you be comfortable using a taxi or Uber-type service? Are there any tax breaks for seniors, like a freeze on property taxes? Is there an active senior center that you can use? Are health care facilities, as well as an adequate choice of doctors, within a reasonable distance?
3. Do you have options when you must move out?
Are there good nursing home facilities in your area? Is there usually a long waiting list? When it is time to make that move, you will probably not be up to a long move or a long delay. Facilities that are nearby give you the opportunity to visit them on a regular basis. As you get nearer to making that move you will know which ones have maintained their standards, quality of care, and affordability.
4. Do you like where you live?
Not only does your home have to be safe as you age, it should make you happy and be in an area you enjoy. There is no point in staying in your present home if the neighborhood is less than ideal, the closest shopping is several miles away, and the yard or living space takes constant maintenance and upkeep. If you feel more like a prisoner in your home rather than comfortable and relaxed, consider finding another place to age in place. There are enough struggles without adding unhappiness with your current home. Remember, renting instead of buying is always an option, particularly in our over-heated housing market at the moment.
For many, being close to family and friends are keys to deciding to age in place. In addition to the joy they can add to one's life, having relatives and good friends to help with life's little challenges is a blessing. Even something as simple as a drive to the doctor's office or the car repair shop is easier when someone you know is along for the ride. It makes aging in place less stressful.
Deciding to age at home for as long as possible is a choice many of us are making. If this includes you, please be sure to review the steps above. Make your decision not just emotional, but is one that will keep you safe, secure, and protected. Betty and I want to stay in our current home for another six or seven years, at which point I will be 80. We have made some of the modifications noted above, but are looking at retirement community options, too.
There are plenty of on-line resources to help you decide if this is right for you. Age in Place and Aging in Place Tips are two I found that seem like good places to start.
Two other considerations I would add to your list: (1) How easy or difficult is it to get the help you will need to maintain your house? For many single women I know, this, rather than safety, is the tipping point about when to stay and when to go. When the hassles of trying to get home maintenance done cause more stress and misery than the pleasure you get from living in the house, it's time to go. (2) Many retirement communities have waiting lists months or years long. If you wait until you absolutely can't manage at home, you will probably not be able to get into the place you wanted to move to and instead be forced to settle for something less desirable.
ReplyDeleteBoth excellent points. Knowing a good handyman can be a lifesaver.
ReplyDeleteWe will start visiting retirement communities next month. Even though we don't expect to move for several years, knowing the length of waiting lists is likely to be the final determinate.
We plan to stay in our own home until about age 80 or so (80 is 11 years away if we make it that far). After that we will sell our house using the proceeds to fund a nice retirement residence and I think we will be okay in our house until then. It's a split level house with just 6 steps from the main level to the bedroom level, of course if either of us ends up with something like severe arthritis even those 6 steps could be too much but so far so good. We will stay in the area as both our children and grandchildren live nearby so there's a lot to stay for.
ReplyDeleteYour plans sound much like ours. Unless there is a total housing price collapse, our home will fund not only the expected buy-in cost but several years of living expenses.
DeleteIve always said as long as I can wheel myself to a microwave and the toilet, I’ll be OK..you can get help with showering, cleaning your home and yard upkeep. Once I’m alone, I have also checked into getting a daily checkin text you then reply to, to let them know all is OK. Luckily I’m in an area with lots of services for hire and my home would only need one bath modified. And there’s Meals on Wheels too. The alternative of a nursing home will not work for me. Assisted living maybe…but I absolutely dread the thought of a full blown nursing home. Saw my husband in one briefly before he died and no way.
ReplyDeleteI would hope the same for Betty and me.My mom spent her last few months in a nice nursing center, but it was still dispiriting and a tough way to end one's life.
DeleteMy dad dropped dead in his assisted living apartment, so he did not have to replicate his wife's last few months. I chose his approach.
Renting is really not an option right now. The rents are outrageous since the pandemic where people can work from anywhere. We are paying $9000 for one month to go visit our kids in Mass for Thanksgiving. Yes, you read that right. And retirement communities are expensive as hell. My parents were paying over $6000 a month just a couple of years ago for a one bedroom one bath. Meals were included and there was a doctor on the premises which was nice but if they hadn't had long term care insurance they would have surely run out of money.
ReplyDeleteThose prices are outrageous for American citizens. No other developed country allows its seniors to end up in such a financial mess.
DeleteYet many of those seniors vote for the exact politicians who keep them in those dire straits and who funnel money, that could be used to ease this, straight to the big corporations in the form of constant tax breaks. Somehow they and many others don’t see it.
DeleteOne thing that many people (especially the children) do not consider is this cannot be an excuse not to declutter or "downsize" their possessions. If my parents were to tell me that they want to "age in place" I would insist that they must start the downsizing project at a time so they are not leaving me the chore of having to clean out the house when they get too old to stay there. I would insist that as they age in place, and they stop doing all the normal stuff that they get rid of the material possessions they no longer use or need. For example, if you start to decide to not set out all the Xmas decorations any more you have to get rid of the decorations you no longer will use. If dad decides not to do any more DIY stuff, he has to clean out all the unnecessary materials, power tools, etc.. No more dinner parties - all the extra dishes and such must go. Grandkids are older - all the old toys have to go, etc. As they get older more and more excess material possessions need to be downsized. I know this sounds "cruel" but I would not let the parents age in place without some level of downsizing as part of the agreement. I'm 74 still in good health and as we want to age in place, I would want to do this so if and when I do need to leave it will be much easier on the kids.
ReplyDeleteYour comment is not "cruel," it is an absolutely necessary process if someone chooses to stay in their home. My wife ended up with 30 large trash bags of junk and unwanted stuff when her dad died at his home, 2,000 miles away from us. And, that didn't include all the furniture that had to be sold or donated and moved out.
DeleteExcept for some important keepsakes, we need to remember that our kids and relatives have their own mounds of possessions. The last thing they need is their 5th grade report card or mom's playbill from a 1982 show on Broadway.
My mother stayed in her home until she passed at 76 after a short stay in the hospital. Her home was very old and had a porch with several steps up that became increasingly difficult. My wife's parents stayed in their home and had to deal with a step down into a den that led to a few falls before her father passed away at 82. Her mother must still navigate that one step down into the den and the step back up to get into the kitchen. When younger, you don't think about one little step up or down, but when you age it becomes a huge step. Older homes are hard to make more accessible without considerable expense. Our current home can probably become wheelchair accessible with very little changes, so hopefully we will be here for many, many years. Great post on the subject!
ReplyDeleteIsn't amazing how something as simple as one step can become a barrier and a hazard? Another very easy fix that too many of us overlook are the throw rugs around the house. Even with rug grippers on the back, that extra inch or so can become a tripping menace.
DeleteOur current home would work well if one of us needed to use a walker on a regular basis, but a wheelchair could cause some problems accessing some areas. Hopefully, we will be at as retirement community before that is needed.
Bob, great post. I experienced the push back from my mother and father in their late 70s and early 80s when my brother and I first started "suggesting" that they sell their home (on 20 acres) and move into a nice retirement/assisted living community. They would talk about it but when "push came to shove" they just wouldn't budge. Just as I expected, my father died at 87 leaving my mother who was 85 alone in that place. Even then she wouldn't move. So, we watched her suffer through bereavement and genuine fear of living out on that acreage with no really close neighbors. Of course the huge lawn still had to be mowed and the acreage "tractor mowed" a few times a year. By this time the once immaculately maintained home (they built it after they retired) was gradually slipping into disrepair. No flowers, no "niceties". After 2 years of this self-imposed loneliness and depression, I called my brother and told him that I was going to tell her that she WAS moving and asked if he would be on board. I even called her two living siblings and let them know out of courtesy. One of them, a sister, totally agreed. The other, a brother, thought I was being abusive--all because he was one of those who thought that moving to an assisted living community was horrible. Anyway, I did it. She pushed back with everything she had in her. As she began to resign herself that I wasn't giving in she said, "Well, I probably won't live long after I move there." But I was not deterred. Three months later my wife and I traveled there to help with her move and transition. We allowed her to keep her car as a consolation. And, we agreed not to immediately sell the house (fortunately she didn't have to have the money). Now, here we are, almost three years later and she is transformed. No more depression, no more trying to sleep in fear in an empty house, no more long days without seeing other people. Last year I took the next step and insisted that we take advantage of the housing market and sell her house and property. She didn't want to do that, either. But, we did and it has been like a weight lifted--for her AND for me. Sorry this is so long, but the lesson to be learned is not a secret. If she and my father had been willing to make such a move voluntarily in their late 70s then they could have enjoyed several years of worry free living together. And when he passed, she would have immediately been surrounded by her close neighbors and friends instead of living alone and depressed for 2 years. (I'll save until another time what my wife and I did 10 years ago after retiring. Spoiler alert: we DID NOT choose to "age in place" and hang on to the house. And it's been great!)
ReplyDeleteI think your story is a good counterpoint to all those that say they want to stay in place until "they carry me out in a box". When you are in early retirement, still relatively healthy and active, it sounds good but the reality may be different as the years go by.
DeleteMy parents gave their three sons a tremendous gift when mom and dad decided several years before it became necessary to sell their single family home and move to a retirement community. They were adamant in not putting their adult children through any of the types of problems you, Don, relate.
DeleteWe will not do that to our kids, either. We will "age in place" until we can see the writing on the wall, and make the move to a safer environment. If there is a long waiting list and our slot opens before we are 'ready" we will make the smart choice and move at that point.
Bob, I've forgotten if you've mentioned it or not but what ages were your mother and father when they sold their house and moved?
DeleteMy dad was 79 and my mom 74. She lived until 84 and he until 91, so they were in the community quite a while.
DeleteOur plans to consider all options have been put on hold because of the pandemic and my continued vulnerability to Covid due to being immunocompromised and legitimately precluded from vaccination. In the meantime, we've been assembling a crew of handypersons, haulers, electricians, etc. We live in a one-story in a small stable neighborhood mixed with young couples having their first children up to people our age. Rarely is a house sold as there are several adult children in one house paired with their parents in another. They know us and check on us. We've been decluttering but it's slowed by my chronic conditions. We've been making repairs that ready our house for sale. This last year, we intended to use our required minimum withdrawals to redo the master bath for accessibility, but two big unexpected expenses derailed that. Instead, ERCOTs shortcomings means we've spent money on generators to handle basic functions if we should lose electricity, and we're hoping to put level handles on the doors.
ReplyDeleteLever handles, of course.
DeleteMe, again. Also, I'm a 100% plant-based eater and have been for eleven years. I'm stymied in my search by my inability to find any community that addresses the needs of us pesky vegans.
DeleteBetty and I have decided to not put money into any major remodeling, like the two bathrooms, since we plan on being out of here in 6 years or so. When it is time, we will sell the house "as is" and take what we can get. Extra money is going into travel while we can and funds to help with college or other expenses of our family.
DeleteThe plant-based issue is quite interesting. That is not something that would have ever occurred to me. I know the place that is our first choice has multiple dining options that I assume includes meals fit for vegans, but I can't guarantee that is so.
You may find a service like Grubhub, or one of the grocery stores that deliver in the area where you would be living will be needed to supplement what the dining facilities offer. Food delivery has become so common-place that shouldn't be too difficult to get what you need.
Hi Bob. I’ve been reading your blog for years.Thank you! My partner and I are in our early 70’s and had planned to stay in our multi step townhouse for a few more years before we moved to a senior’s complex. What happened instead is that we came across a brand new apartment with a/c, surrounded by amenities (fitness, library, grocery store, river walk etc) that we could lease, not own. The concrete building is multi-generational. We will invest the money from the sale for the next year until we see how living here actually works out. We are confident it will, but it’s good to have a back up plan. This turn of events feels like opportunity and an adventure, and much less responsibility. We have family with yards, so I can still garden intermittently. We hope we may be able to live here (both or one of us) happily and safely for the next 10 years or so.
ReplyDeleteAnne
We have discussed the option of selling our home and going the apartment route, before a retirement community. What has stopped us is the thought of having to move twice, and then again from independent living to assisted living.
DeleteThere are many advantages to the choice you have made. I wish many years of enjoying your new adventure.
Bob, I mentioned in my "epistle" above that my wife and I chose not to keep the house. For going on 10 years now we chose the rental route and it is GREAT. We're in a wonderful apartment complex with all ages but there are many retirees here just like us who no longer wanted the house and the maintenance. We have pickle ball courts, tennis courts, pool, exercise room, pool table, club house, and even planned excursions now and then. Our fridge defrost was not draining properly, I reported it, and 5 days later a new fridge was delivered by the polite maintenance crew. Gotta love it! Our only son and daughter-in-law live 5 minutes away. Just wanted to let everyone know, there ARE nice apartment/condo rental options out there.
DeleteHi Bob. This post and topic is excellent. Thank you for providing such a fertile subject! Maybe one of the real difficult parts to making these decisions is the timing. I don't know if making the changes ever feels right in the moment, but taking that leap (whether its moving/remodeling/altering the environment) probably leads to long-lasting satisfaction. At least, I hope it would!
ReplyDeletePaul.
Yes, the timing is the part that
Deleteis pure guesswork. My parents moved before they physically needed to for that reason. They decided to err on the side of caution.
Hopefuly, we will, too.
I heard or saw someone once say (maybe here on your blog Bob) that the only thing worse than moving to a retirement residence 5 years too early is moving there 5 minutes too late.
DeleteWe had to find a place for my mother pronto after a she had a fall in her apartment. The doctors said at 88, and in her condition, she shouldn't be living on her own. It was a big time rush for us to find a place for her ready to move into when she was discharged from the physical rehabilitation facility. We were lucky and found a decent place with a spot available in time but we might not have. Mom didn't even see it before she moved in and it's not good to have to depend on luck for somewhere suitable to live.
I don't think it was my blog with the 5 years and 5 minute comment, but that is very true. We are commited to erring on the too soon vs too late side.
DeleteAlso, the community we are leaning toward is a very nice place to live. It is not as if our quality of life will decrease at all. More so, it is a clear indication that we have begun the last segment of our life and that has a certain finality to it.