For lots of reasons, retirement seems to bring out the critics in us and in others. Too often, we are convinced we are doing it all wrong. We didn't plan well financially. Our kids live a thousand miles away and we only see them twice a year, but we love our home, too.
We haven't found a passion that has us so excited we bounce out of bed at 5 in the morning to get started. We do a little volunteering but not nearly as much as others seem to. We binge-watch shows on Netflix instead of taking art classes or going to plays. In short, we are messing up our retirement.
Stop. Rewind. Reboot. Reject your internal judge. A satisfying retirement is an individually-designed unique path. Since unique means there is nothing else like it in the universe, you can't be doing things wrong....there is nothing to compare your retirement to. There is no way to judge uniqueness as either right or wrong. That's the beauty of living a unique life.
Isn't that an empowering thought? You don't have to compare anything you are doing to what another is doing, whatever books, the Internet, or your friends say. There are good ideas or new concepts to consider. Hints and tips from others may be worth adopting. But, you can't be wrong, you can only determine you need to make a change.
Now, this doesn't mean you can't make mistakes. It doesn't mean you could have done something differently that might have been more satisfying for you. It doesn't mean you won't make adjustments to your retirement lifestyle.
But, those things are not wrong. They represented your best decision at the time. The choices were what you believed best suited you at that moment. If some of those choices proved to not work well for you, then you adjust them. You find something that fits your needs, your wants, your comfort zone. Your retirement evolves as you do.
Would I live the same lifestyle now that I did when I was in my 20s, playing rock music on the radio, even if I could? Not for a second. Would I want to repeat my 30s as a new dad? No. Would I have wanted to live in my 40s the way I am living now? Of course not.
Every decade of my life has involved changes in attitudes and decisions. What I have done along the way did not always have the best results. So, I adjusted or replaced what had been parts of my life with something more in tune with the essential me. Those changes happen over and over again, especially in retirement because I have the freedom to make those changes.
I've done nothing "wrong" in my retirement, and neither have you. It is just not possible.
Stop. Rewind. Reboot. Reject your internal judge. A satisfying retirement is an individually-designed unique path. Since unique means there is nothing else like it in the universe, you can't be doing things wrong....there is nothing to compare your retirement to. There is no way to judge uniqueness as either right or wrong. That's the beauty of living a unique life.
Isn't that an empowering thought? You don't have to compare anything you are doing to what another is doing, whatever books, the Internet, or your friends say. There are good ideas or new concepts to consider. Hints and tips from others may be worth adopting. But, you can't be wrong, you can only determine you need to make a change.
Now, this doesn't mean you can't make mistakes. It doesn't mean you could have done something differently that might have been more satisfying for you. It doesn't mean you won't make adjustments to your retirement lifestyle.
But, those things are not wrong. They represented your best decision at the time. The choices were what you believed best suited you at that moment. If some of those choices proved to not work well for you, then you adjust them. You find something that fits your needs, your wants, your comfort zone. Your retirement evolves as you do.
Would I live the same lifestyle now that I did when I was in my 20s, playing rock music on the radio, even if I could? Not for a second. Would I want to repeat my 30s as a new dad? No. Would I have wanted to live in my 40s the way I am living now? Of course not.
Every decade of my life has involved changes in attitudes and decisions. What I have done along the way did not always have the best results. So, I adjusted or replaced what had been parts of my life with something more in tune with the essential me. Those changes happen over and over again, especially in retirement because I have the freedom to make those changes.
I've done nothing "wrong" in my retirement, and neither have you. It is just not possible.
Nice post, Bob. The best comment anyone can give you about your retirement is "Whatever you decide." I kinda like that thought. It takes the guilt off not doing what others tell you to do.
ReplyDeleteThanks, RJ. We can benefit by taking a little self-imposed pressure off ourselves. Judgement can be a force for good, but, too often, it becomes a weapon that makes us feel bad about what we are doing.
DeleteBob, this is a powerful post with an uplifting message that, I imagine, will reassure many people. It seems to me that today's society is more judgmental than ever, a trend that is easily fueled by social media. I can see how anyone without an arsenal full of self-confidence might be beaten down by "well-meaning" family members and friends for choices they make. Alan and I have made a number of choices throughout our 40+ years of marriage that would be considered non-traditional by many but were absolutely right for us. I think you're correct - if you're making decisions based on your own personality, situation, values and the information available to you at the time, then you're not wrong. Right for you doesn't have to be right for everyone. I really don't like the popular expression, "You do you," but it certainly seems applicable in this situation.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely we have become much more judgmental as a society, and much quicker to point out "flaws."
DeleteTwo points I hope are evident in this post: your choices are yours alone to make, and my path will not be like your path, and that is exactly how it should be.
Such a great post. Everything we've done has gotten us to the present moment, and as the say goes, the present moment is right on time. There is no age I would go back to. And while there are some things I wish I had handled better, I did the best I could at the time.
ReplyDeleteHow is the sign language coming along? That's fascinating. I want to do it too!
Happy Father's Day! Hope you are having a great day.
Like you, there is no age I would want to relive. I am working very hard to stay in the present; morning meditation makes a big difference.
DeleteWe will be starting sign language next week. Betty asked to wait until she is done with a church project. YouTube will be our primary source of lessons, with an app that looks promising.
I always liked the line by the character Patel in the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel anytime he faced and angry or upset guest... “Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it is not yet the end.”
ReplyDeleteI liked the movie too which is about a bunch of retired British pensioners that relocate to India for a more affordable retirement.
A very engaging movie with a very positive message.
DeleteI agree that this is a great post.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Linda
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