December 11, 2014

Take Out The Trash That Clutters and Restricts

From three years ago this post still rings very true for me. As I review the list of "trash" that needs to be put by the curb I am reminded how much is still part of my life, and how much work I still have to do.



One chore we are all familiar with is taking out the trash. While it may not be fun, it is necessary. The stuff will not walk itself to the curb for pickup. Holding on to it serves no purpose but to clutter up our lives.

I suggest the same requirement exists in our personal lives. A satisfying retirement is going to require getting rid of things on a regular basis that no longer serve a purpose or just clutter up your life. A life accumulates various types of  "trash" that is best dumped.

Self-imposed Limits. I'm hard pressed to think of anything more destructive to our personal development and growth than limits we put on ourselves. We think we aren't very creative so we never explore that part of us. We have been told by someone in the past we aren't very smart or strong or productive or capable or.....(fill in your externally imposed limits). We have internalized that judgment of part of us by accepting someone else's view of our abilities as true. So, we no longer try.

We have failed at a previous attempt to form a meaningful relationship, start a business, write a book, learn to play tennis, grow vegetables in the back yard....whatever...and so we are afraid. We eliminate the chance of failure by refusing to try. Actually, we eliminate the chance of success.

Self-imposed limits are part of the trash of our life that must be disposed of on a regular basis. These limits will limit your happiness and your satisfaction. These limits will make it impossible for you to grow to your potential. Label these self-imposed limits for what they are: garbage that needs to go. 

Habits that no longer serve a purpose. We all have them. They could be habits we know aren't good for us but are tough to dump. They could be habits that affect our interaction with others. The list is long and the causes are complicated. I tried to quit smoking at least five times before it actually stuck back in the late 80's.

In this case, though, I'm referring to habits, or patterns of behavior, that once served us well, but no longer do. Previous posts have talked about how I fell into a routine of reading two newspapers every morning, until I realized I was wasting my most productive time of the day on something that could be done later (or eventually dropped completely). Maybe we have always answered every e-mail the second it hits our inbox, until we realize that is amazingly unproductive.

Going out to eat several nights a week is an easy habit to develop. Cooking after a full day of work is not something everyone looks forward to. But, now that you are retired, the pattern of eating most dinners at a restaurant no longer serves the same purpose. Also, it is probably putting a major dent in your retirement budget. I used to buy lots of books from Amazon, until I ran out of bookshelf space. Now, the library, with the purchase of an occasional book I really want to read is a much better match to my lifestyle.

We are resistant to change and comfortable with our routines. In fact, for many of us, our routines comfort us to the point where even the simplest change takes effort. But, are the routines and habits still serving a purpose? Do some of them need to be taken to the curb?

Grudges and Past Hurts. Here is a tough one. Doesn't it feel good to dislike someone who did you wrong all those years ago. It is easy to work up a towering inferno or rage and anger...until you stop to remember what caused the problem in the first place, and can't. Or, you review where the grudge came from and now, years later, it seems so petty and silly.

Holding on to an insult, or unkind action is never very helpful. It may feel good for a moment to zing someone back, but rarely does it solve the problem. Even worse is to allow a past hurt to fester for years, preventing you from moving on.

Taking out the trash every week helps keep your house free of clutter and unpleasant smells. Getting rid of the trash in your life is more complicated, but every bit as important to your satisfying retirement.


 

10 comments:

  1. Bull's eye, Bob. I've been considering and reconsidering nearly every aspect of life, lately. Do you think that's part of being in my 60s? I've actually enjoyed sorting thru our possessions, giving stuff to the kids, and donating the rest. Giving away the excess is even enjoyable for me. The bigger challenge is sorting thru my beliefs. Lately, my black and white understanding of society has gotten grayer and less defined. Having grown up in a strict, religious home gave me the faith I value, but also caused me to be critical. I've decided to hold fast to my faith in God, but I'm letting go of the judgment. I'm also focusing on forgiving past hurts. Forgiving myself is the hardest part, though. Being at this stage in life makes us realize some of the goals we set for ourselves might never be reached--then again, maybe they weren't the right goals for us. Letting go is hard, at first...but the more I let go, the easier it gets. Letting go lightens my load. Thanks for making me think, Bob.

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    1. What a great comment, Pam. You have summarized the essence of what I was trying to convey in this post very well.

      The change from black and white to gray is a maturity thing, I think. If we are open to it, we see that the world is too complex to fit into neat little boxes of our own design. The judgmental part of faith can also be the cause of much of the discord in our life. As our walk deepens we understand that we are not to judge, just to love. Judgment is God's job, but boy, is it tough to let that tendency go.

      Thanks again, Pam, for starting things off so well this morning.

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  2. Good, timely post. I've got everything under control except the bad habits -- eating too much unhealthy food; watching too much TV; and wasting too much time on the computer!

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    1. Just spent 3 hours watching the Cardinals win game #11 this year. Was that a waste? No!~

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  3. Yep, another good post. I've changed a few habits - no longer spend a couple of hours a month tracking every detail of our investments. Summary level is good enough. No longer worry much about things I have no control over like politics and international affairs. I'm married to a collector so getting rid of stuff in our house is really only getting rid of mine. But that's something.

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    1. It is interesting about reactions to investments. Like you, I used to check several times a week, watching investment performances, plotting returns and so on. But, for the last few years except for OKing the occasional use of cash from one redeemed investment to purchase another, I pay very little attention. I don't even look at the summary more than twice a month. I do still engage in a fist pump when the Social Security check lands in the bank account every month!

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  4. As I look at 2015 and want to stretch myself to some new dreams your post on self imposed limits really encourages me. All my thoughts of not really being capable to do something new have to go! They are garbage and need to be replaced by new thoughts of possibilities and finding gifts that I didn't know I had. Thank you for your insights!

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    1. Personally, I am struggling a bit at the moment with some "trash" that needs to be taken to the curb and replaced with something stimulating and creative, too.

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  5. Love this one! Releasing old hurts and grudges is so key to living your best life. Learning to let go and move on is one of the hardest, yet most satisfying things to do.
    b

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    1. It was easy to write this post, but not so simple to live by its message.

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