November 25, 2013

This Bird has Flown

This past weekend our youngest daughter moved her belongings and herself to a new apartment. After a little over two years living with us, her financial situation and employment outlook have improved enough to give her the confidence the time is right.

She has been a great roommate. We will miss her being part of our day-to-day life. She helped move us to healthier food choices and  to try different recipes.  She introduced us to movies, TV shows, and documentaries on Netflix we would have not tried on our own. She took over 1/3 of the housecleaning chores and more than half of the puppy care.

Speaking of Bailey, our cocker spaniel, she is likely to feel the most loss at our daughter's departure. Her whole 21 month life has been with a third person in the house, the person who takes her on walks, plays with her each evening, and has figured out how to get a very finicky puppy to eat dog food.

Our daughter has very strong feelings for Bailey, too. Living only 25 minutes away, I expect she will have to make a few visits each week for snuggle time with Bailey. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets her own puppy sometime next year. Dogs add a warmth and completeness to a home that few other creatures can.

The move does something else important: Betty gets her office and bathroom back. While we will reclaim a chunk of the backyard storage shed and space in the garage for both our cars, the loss of Betty's private space has been sorely missed.  Her computer, files, and craft projects have been squeezed into a small corner of our bedroom. Both of us have fit ourselves into the master bath, resulting in cabinets overflowing and towels hung over curtain rods.

Now, the process begins to put her office back the way she wants it and to move her lotions and potions into a bathroom that she had just finished redecorating when our youngest needed to come home. This rearrangement will probably take us through the holiday season. If she can be all settled by New Year's Day I think we will consider it a success.

We have all had to adjust through this period. In that regard it has taught all three of us a little extra patience and accommodation for others. It has strengthened our bond with our youngest and allowed her to get a new degree, find a new career path, and get her finances back in order.

And, it will be like moving to a new home when Betty gets all of her space back, we get our master bedroom emptied of the craft and computer stuff, and both cars will once again fit in the garage.

For all three of us, this is a perfect Christmas gift!

Betty's Office space is a blank slate






20 comments:

  1. Always bittersweet when adult children leave. Will be waiting to see pictures of the "new"/old office. When it is done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hadn't realized how involved it is for a woman to change bathrooms. I've never seen so many half used tubes of lipstick and lotions, hair implements, bands for this and that....and Betty is one of the least concerned about this type of stuff females I have ever met.

      The office will be more straight forward. Desk, computer, work spaces, TV to play DVRs, sewing machine, and all sorts of craft supplies

      Delete
  2. I was going to say same as Arizona2012 - changes like this are indeed bittersweet. Fortunately, it seems to pass quickly, particular if in the process space is created for something new and exciting, such as appears to be the case for you both.

    We just carted the last of the boxes we'd been storing for our oldest daughter to her place last month. It felt good to reclaim that space, though it was quickly refilled with the last few items from closing down my mother-in-laws home a few years ago, after she passed away. What does one do with a vintage fur coat, and 100 year old sterling silver in today's world? All are too precious to simply donate, so for now they are taking up the space previously inhabited by my daughter's things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have a small home (by today's standards) that can't tolerate lots of stuff from relatives. Even so, we have stuff from my mom, Betty's mother, and Betty's grandmother shoehorned into various spaces.

      When we move again sometime in the next 5-7 years into an even smaller condo I wonder how we will deal with that stuff.

      Delete
    2. I understand your silver may be too previous to give up, but in case you're sick of hauling it around you might consider selling it on ebay. I had a set for eight that was left to me by a grandmother that I hardly knew when I was 18. I used it for many years for the big holiday dinners. I am sooooo over making those dinners.

      About five years ago I put it on ebay and I think I got about $900 for the set. The buyer paid for shipping. Up to you, of course.

      Anne (who is trying not to post under Anonymous but can't get the darn thing to work any other way.)

      Delete
    3. Selling it on ebay and through Craigs List is always a possibility but I think sentiment is always a major hurtle.

      Notice Anne that I answered as Bob. All you need to do is click on the "Reply as" box, chose name/URL, put Anne in the name box, leave the URL box empty, and click continue.

      Delete
    4. Craigslist likely wouldn't work because of how price sensitive buyers there tend to be, but I'll explore e-Bay, thank you both for the tip. (When I used the term 'precious' I actually meant valuable. I never saw my mother in law wear the fur coat, and I am likewise not willing to maintain the silverware, beautiful though it all is. There are at least two full sets, plus several more partial sets.)

      Delete
    5. Re silver - We started using the inherited silver for everyday - a nicer "feel" and reminds me of the relatives every day. Even put right in the dishwasher - just keep at one end of the silverware tray so doesn't touch other things, and doesn't seem to tarnish

      Delete
  3. ...my son moved out in 2000 and lives in Idaho; my daughter moved away to California in 2009. The grands are with them. This Tennessee house is much bigger feeling and more lonely. But ! I have my own full bath in the back of my 'man cave' computer room/ham radio shack. My wife has plenty of room for her sewing machine and craft projects. I miss the kids. Our 13 year-old female miniature schnauzer remembers the kids and when my son comes to visit once or twice a year, she takes about a split second to recognize him then goes all gaga and nuts wanting him to love on her. They don't forget. Before I forget, Bob, have a great Thanksgiving !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My ham radio set up is in my office, so I guess that is my man cave.

      Our youngest is thinking about moving to Portland in a year. That would be tough on all of us. The farthest any of our kids have been is Southern California which is a one hour flight or 6 hour drive. Oregon would be another matter. Betty and I would like to spend our summers in Portland so maybe it will all work out.

      Delete
  4. Congratulations! Our son moved out two months ago after a return-to-the-nest-after-college stint that lasted just over two years. I think that he was the beneficiary of better eating habits but we were blessed with his sense of humor and perpetually positive outlook on life. I guess independence goes both ways - first the child learns to live on their own and second we the parents learn to live without the child. Challenging for both but also rewarding for both. Enjoy...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This was this daughter's third stint at home, but by far the longest. Over a two year period it almost begins to seem normal and the way it should be. But, she has her own life to lead and likes her privacy; the same goes for mom & dad.

      Delete
  5. Enjoy getting things where you want them. One of the reasons I'm so excited about our upcoming move is having a room of my own! As an artist, I have so much stuff it's hard to keep it organized. And, artists are unorganized by nature. It drives Mr. Neatnik crazy. So having your own space, in my opinion, definitely contributes to a satisfying retirement!
    Enjoy the holiday!
    b

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Betty is more of a night person. My eyes are shutting by 10:30 and she is just starting some computer work. With the set up in our bedroom there was almost nightly conflict as she clicked away until 11pm or later.. When she moves her stuff down the hall we will remove an irritant for each of us!

      Delete
  6. My younger son left home at 18 but moved back in twice afterwards. When he left the last time, I knew he was ready, and I was glad for him and sad for us.

    That said, we love having this house be just ours!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like a neat and quiet home which is hard with a third person around whose idea of neat is quite a bit different from mine. . I am enjoying my first Monday with no Today Show and no bumping into each other in our tiny kitchen!

      Delete
  7. Liked the positive way you wrote about events that sometimes are a bit hard to cope with. After many years far away from our son, we now live a brisk walk down the street from him. Everyone has their privacy, yet we have lots of pleasant contacts, including dog-sitting for his delightful little pal. There couldn't be a much better arrangement for us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Things do tend to work themselves out for the best. I saw my daughter this morning and she seems to be happy unpacking and setting up her place. A 20-25 minute drive seems about right. The other daughter and grandkids are closer to 40 minutes away...both Betty and I wish they were a bit closer to make visits easier.

      Delete
  8. She did 1/3 of the housework? You obviously brought her up well! But ... it sounds like she'll be nearby, so you'll now (like Dick Klade) have the best of both worlds.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think it will work out well. She lives in a nice apartment complex that seems well run. But, I must admit I like my privacy.

    ReplyDelete

Inappropriate comments will be deleted