Happy New Year 2013

2012 was an event-filled year in the Lowry household. In March we added Bailey,a Cocker Spaniel/King Charles adorable bundle of energy and love to our family. Like all puppies she has been a challenge at times. But, we don't know what we'd do without her.

In July we took a gamble: flying to Oregon to meet people we only knew through blogging. It was one of the best weeks of our life and we fell in love with the people and beauty of Oregon.

Galen Pearl and Betty

Earl and Barbara Torris

Wendy & Bill Birnbaum with us

In September R.T. the RV joined our life. After talking about getting one for years but always delaying because of the costs, we finally decided to "just do it."

I have no idea what 2013 will hold. But, I approach it with eyes wide open and a firm belief that my satisfying retirement will continue.

Stay safe over the next few days, reflect and rejoice on your blessings.

I'll have a fresh post on Wednesday for 2013.

Happy New Year.



Bob

Five Motivational Ways to Age Backwards

What follows is a guest post from Rob White, author and motivational coach. His latest book is A Second Chance at Success (Mind Adventure, Inc.). All of us can use a dose of fresh motivation as the new year approaches. Enjoy!

 
You’ve probably heard expressions like “60 is the new 40.” The truth is actually that anyone can be 68 going on 50. All you need is a motivational mindset. Then you, too, can start counting the calendar backward at each birthday.

Beyond good diet and exercise – which are critical for anyone at any age – getting motivated is the key to aging well. Here are five ways to adopt a motivational mindset, launch your own age rollback, and engage the world at any age:

1. Change your WOE to WOW ratio. There’s nothing more de-motivating than living in a world of WOE (which is an acronym that stands for What On Earth). The world of WOE is dark and consists largely of finding fault and blame. WOE is like a leech that sucks the life spirit out of you. Its opposite, WOW (which means Wonderfully Obsessed with Winning) infuses every moment with excitement about the world. WOW is that frame of mind that motivates you to fully embrace whatever you’re doing. No, you can’t get rid of WOE—it’s part of the human condition. But you can choose to minimize the presence of WOE and focus on WOW; the key is to become more aware of WOE’s presence and to consciously opt for WOW. Try it. Keep a notebook of how much time you spend in a WOE state versus a WOW state. Then set a goal to focus on WOW for 15 minutes as you start your day. Soon, it will become a habit, and you won’t even have to think about it.

2. Get curious. Many studies have shown that the more you flex your mind as you age, the healthier your mind will be. In addition to engaging in brain-cell building activities like puzzles, ask questions about how things work and why things are. Nothing motivates like a good question. Find a headline story each day that you want to learn more about. Find a topic each week that you want to research through books or using on line resources. Adopt the curiosity of a child. The more new things you learn, the more you’ll be motivated to discover new areas of interest.

3. Invest in the moment. It’s so easy to look back with regrets or nostalgia that we forget to see the joy of what’s happening in the present. Ditto for spending time gazing into the future with apprehension or fear. Try an experiment: every day, spend 5 minutes focusing on the here and now, and allow yourself to feel totally invested in whatever you’re doing, whether it’s work or play. Be conscious that you’re in the moment. When you get comfortable with that notion, expand the time you spend in the here and now each day.

4. Let go and take a higher perspective. When you were younger, you were probably in the mode of striving for more -- more money, more status, more security, or more attention. More anything. As you age, that pressure starts to diminish. But if you’re like most of us, you still likely cling to the notion that you’re in some kind of a race that you must win. Let it go! When you stop competing against others you’ll be motivated to appreciate those things that really matter and you probably already have.

5. Do things that put you in a good mood. Good moods don’t just happen. They come about from doing things that make us feel happy, things that we enjoy. When we were younger, it was easy to feel good because we weren’t shy about letting our hair down and having fun. You can recapture that habit now. Incorporate at least one thing a day into your routine that puts you in a good mood whether it’s taking a walk, completing a puzzle, or pulling out a board game or a deck of cards with friends.. When you’re feeling good, you’ll likely be more motivated to try new things. And you can almost hear the clock ticking backward.

Be aware that a motivational mindset doesn’t come overnight. But the more receptive you are to it, the more you’ll enjoy waking up every morning – and flipping another page back on your internal calendar!

Rob White is an author, motivational coach and story-teller.

Visit him on line at www.robwhitemedia.com.   








 Satisfying Retirement received no compensation for this post or promotion.

Merry Christmas - Happy Holidays

This isn't the time to spend reading a long blog post so I'll keep this short.

It is time to be with friends, family, those less fortunate than you...anyone in any situation that allows you to spread joy and love.

Thank God for your blessings. In my case I thank Him for the birth of His son and his grace and mercy in my life.

Whatever your religious persuasion or belief system, I wish for you and yours peace and happiness, an internal joy that can't be extinguished, and an appreciation for the blessings of being alive.

Peace on Earth and Goodwill to everyone.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.

A fresh post will be available Wednesday.



Bob

Real Retirement: An Inside Glimpse

There has been so many scary articles and blog posts written about having a satisfying retirement I am kind of surprised it is even a topic anyone reads about
anymore. After all, if the brightest and best experts say we will all work until we are 80, or that the majority will never be able to retire, then why read the thoughts of someone like me who is apparently swimming upstream against the current of history?

The answer is simple: the "experts" have been consistently wrong for quite awhile.  Let's start with the dot.com bust. Companies with no profits, no marketing, and hardly any employees were worth more than the GNP of most countries. Wrong. How about that huge Y2K scare? Did the computer age come to an end? Hardly. Or, how about the investment gurus who claimed housing and stock prices were on a perpetual upward trend with the Dow hitting 30,000 soon. Not so much.

I could cite many more obvious examples when the common wisdom and the expert opinions were dead wrong. I can also apply the last eleven years of retirement, 31 months of experience in writing this blog, almost 7,000 comments and well over 420,000 views to the same question and get a very different answer.

About 16 months ago I wrote Retirement living: What is the real truth that attempted to dispel some of the myths and half-truths surrounding retirement. Since then, some things have changed enough to revisit that post and see if I need to freshen some of the ideas.


...If you believe all that is written I think you will come to the conclusion that living a retirement lifestyle that is happy and fulfilling takes some planning, some adjustments, and some creativity on your part. But, doesn't life before retirement require the same stuff? Too many web sites, blogs, and magazines attempt to tell you this part of your life is fraught with troubles and pitfalls. You are facing a daunting journey that only the strong survive. The message is almost: Retirement, only the beginning of your problems.

• Still the message we get too often. And, still not true.

Let me give you a few glimpses of what retirement is really like. I've been on this journey for over 11 years so I have probably faced several of the questions and issues that concern you. I have gone through the death of a parent. I have survived the collapse of my business. I have downsized, then downsized again. I am being screwed on a regular basis by our health care system to the tune of 33% of my yearly income going to insurance companies, labs, doctors, and big pharma.

Yet, even with all that, this phase of my life has been the most fulfilling, exciting, growth-filled, and satisfying of any part of my 63 years on earth so far. I have freedoms I could have only dreamed about while working and traveling 100,000 miles a year. My creative life has caught fire. I have written two books and host this blog. I have a marriage that is so much better than before I retired. I am financially weathering everything the world can throw at me, and still jetting off to Hawaii for a three week vacation. To cap it all off, the October issue of Money Magazine is profiling my retirement in as someone who is leading a satisfying retirement in spite of all the doom and gloom that bombards us every single day.

• Insurance up 17% again for 2013 but we are still in good shape. We took that Hawaii trip and the Money Magazine article appeared as promised.

Retirement is not what it was for your parents or grandparents. That is absolutely true. The world and how it operates have likely changed forever. But, the exciting news is that so have we. I don't know a single retirement age man or woman who wants to spend 5 hours a day, every day, on a golf course, or sitting in an easy chair watching TV. I don't know anyone anticipating retirement who believe that their welfare is so secured by their former employer or the government that they will have zero financial worries in the future.

Retirement is an outdated word that can't possibly capture all of the opportunities and options you face. It implies you will no longer work. That is probably not true. Many of us want to keep working in some form. Retirement implies your active days are over. Not true, unless you choose to live like that. I contend your most active days, both physically and mentally, can lie ahead.

Retirement implies you will slowly fade away or become a burden to others. That can happen, and it does to too many of us. But, for most, that isn't necessarily your fate. Even if it is, that is years in the future. Why wouldn't you push yourself to live fully until you can't? Why worry about what may happen in the future, or let that worry confine you now? Plan for your future needs and try to lessen the impact on your loved ones. But, for heavens sake, don't let it paralyze you now.

• If I could come up with a word to accurately replace 'retirement' I would. That word continues to carry negative connotations too often.  This phase of life is not about fading away, it is about expanding and growing.

My health is better today than it was 10 years ago. I weigh less and have more energy. I've dropped a few inches in waist size. I Look forward to the gym instead of fear it. My relationships are much better. The stress my lifestyle imposed on my family when I was traveling continuously for almost 20 years should have been enough to tear my family apart. Due to the patience and forgiveness my wife possessed we made it through that phase. Now, things are so much better because we have time for each other. Sure there are arguments. There are days when each of us would rather the other person took a long walk off a short pier. But, rather than linger and fester like during my working days, we blow up, figure it out, patch it up, and move on. That can't happen when one partner is gone 200 days a year.

• I don't look forward to the gym. Honestly, I make excuses why I can't go much too often. But, the rest of it is still quite true.

I found my passion. I was a man with no hobbies and no real interests outside of my work. I dabbled in things, but mainly to fill the time. Retirement has given me the time and opportunities to try different things. The pieces finally fell into place about 5 years ago. Writing and volunteering with a prison ministry organization give me what I have been lacking: a passion and a real purpose. The day isn't long enough for all I want to accomplish. I never felt that way (in a positive sense) while working.

• Still very true. Add to that a strengthening of  my spiritual life and filling my day productively is no problem.

The ending I wrote in September 2011 still applies: Retirement is very much what you make it. Of course your finances, family situation, health, and other factors will impact you. But, again I stress, they affected you before retirement, too. This is your time. This is your opportunity. This is your life. Build it and live it full throttle.

Cruising After Retirement: What To Know

This is a guest post by Karolina Shenton from The Cruise Web. Cruising is one of the most popular travel options of those seeking a satisfying retirement trip. But, there are so many options and possibilities it is important to get the right information. Karolina offers an excellent overview.

Cruising the world is a fantastic way to awaken your soul and see some destinations and cultures you’ve always dreamed of seeing. Popularized in the 1970s with “The Love Boat,” cruising has grown significantly since Captain Steubing called it quits. Now there are more than 100 different cruise ships and each one offers something just a little bit different from the next. While the plethora of options is great, it makes it hard to tell which cruise is the cruise for you.

That’s why I've put together a few pieces of valuable advice for you when planning and booking your next cruise vacation. Read on for some tips from inside the industry.

Choosing a ship/cruise line:

·        Ship size is very important. Some vessels accommodate more than 4,000 passengers, and include a bevy of lounges, bars, restaurants, and activities, as well as other cruisers. Other ships are built for less than 200 passengers, and offer a more personalized and smaller-scale experience.

o   Many retired cruisers find smaller ships to be more attractive. These allow for a more personalized service on board, intensive assistance in finding the right activities onshore, and more peace and serenity.

o   River cruising is a fantastic option for retirees—these all-inclusive options make booking a cruise easy: they usually include dining, excursions, and entertainment. That means less hassle for you. In addition, these exclusive itineraries include ports larger ships can’t reach, providing a one-of-a-kind experience.

o   When planning a cruise on a smaller ship, it is smart to book as early as possible. Prices are almost always at their lowest a year before the sail date, and your choice of cabins will be much greater.

·        Each cruise line focuses on a different on board experience. So although we suggest a smaller cruise ship, for retirees, not every ship will include the on board activities you may be looking for.

o   For the sightseeing vacationer: River Cruise lines such as Avalon Waterways and Uniworld offer regional touches such as local entertainment and regional décor, in addition to an incredible amount of sightseeing. This is because these smaller ships cruise right up against the banks of some of the most intriguing and seldom visited locations in the world.

o   For the active vacationer: Larger cruise lines such as Carnival, Royal Caribbean, and Norwegian offer all types of fitness classes and sporting events on board, as well as more intense, ‘not-for-the-faint-of-heart,’ onshore excursions.

o   For those with the yearn to learn: Some of the smaller ships offer incredible enrichment classes that will enlighten and inspire you. For example, Oceania Cruises has expert-led cooking classes in state of the art culinary kitchens, and Crystal Cruises offers a comprehensive collection of computer and general technology courses.

Choosing a destination/length:

·        There’s a destination for each and every one of us, depending on who you are and what you expect from your vacation. As a starting point, a cruise to Bermuda, Canada, and Northern Europe are popular destinations for the more experienced traveler. Here are some recommendations for different kinds of travelers.

o   I’ve retired, and I’m ready for my first cruise. First cruise? Make sure you get in touch with a travel agent. You may not know it, but you probably have a very specific set of wants and needs when vacationing, which is why having a consultant to assist you is an absolute must. Many retirees love classy, well-developed destinations such as Quebec, or St. Martin, which offer unique experiences, luxury accommodations, and incredible, upscale dining experiences.  Only an agent who has been there, and done that, can effectively help you sort through the sea of choices.

o   I’ve retired, love cruising, and am ready to see the world. To have the opportunity to see as many ports as possible, and therefore as many destinations as you desire, try a World Cruise. World Cruises are a fantastic choice for retirees, because the time constraint of being on board for so long isn’t as much of an issue. As an alternative, many cruise lines offer segments, which are shorter sections of the world voyages that still see a diverse set of ports-of-call in exotic destinations like Indonesia, Africa, and Eastern Europe, in a fraction of the time.  The best part is that you can choose a itinerary that focuses on parts of the world you haven’t yet seen.

o   I’ve seen the world, but would like to cruise to a unique destination. Such is the problem for many well-traveled retirees, because they have seen many places and are not as easily satisfied.  No problem. For those looking for a tropical experience, Tahiti and the South Pacific is a great option that is less visited than the Caribbean. You can find some of the most exclusive cruise excursions in the world there as you enjoy the wonderful weather. For those looking for an enriching vacation, try a river cruise to Asia. Culture, historical sites, and natural wonders are easy to find in Asia.  (ex: Angkor Wat in Cambodia, Dragon Dance in China)

As you can see, there is a perfect cruise vacation for every type of retiree. That’s why doing your research is key, and using a travel agent is strongly suggested. Who knows, your next vacation could be exploring the ancient temples of Cambodia, or viewing the fall foliage on a a cruise to Canada and New England. Get ahead of the game, find the right cruise line, and choose the best destination for you.

Satisfying Retirement received no compensation for this guest post or its commercial links.

Retirement & 2013: What Might Lie Ahead

We are less than 3 weeks from the start of 2013. Was 9/11 really over 11 years ago? Were the early 90's really 20 years ago? I still think of 1993 as quite recent.

Well, no matter how much we might wish that time would move a little more slowly during a satisfying retirement,  a new year will bring new challenges and opportunities, disappointments and joys. Specifically, for those of us retired or soon to be, what are some of the bumps in the road and fresh chances to make a change that might lie ahead of us? I certainly don't have any inside information, but will take a stab:

...Downsizing or moving as housing markets strengthen. One of the goals of many of us is to downsize from our current housing situation. After the kids move out, travel increases, or there is simply a desire to spend less time cleaning and fixing, a smaller home, condo, or apartment beckons us. Unfortunately too many of us have been trapped in place by the real estate collapse of 2008-2010. Our present home won't sell for enough to pay off debts and finance a move to something smaller.

There are finally glimmers of better news. Phoenix, for example, has seen a rebound of almost 20% in prices since hitting rock bottom a few years ago. Other housing markets that took major hits are also reporting a slow but steady climb out of the hole. True, those prices are still well below the boom years just before 2008. But, we know now those astronomical house prices weren't real and couldn't be sustained. 

2013 may see more folks being able to sell what they own and downsize or move.


...Bank fees will increase. Everyone's new favorite villain, mega-banks, are feeling the impact of some recent government regulations designed to reign in some of the worst of the "gambling" that took us all to the brink. While the industry continues to rake in huge sums of money, these new controls mean they are looking for ways to take more from us in the way of new fees and charges.

Read all the statements and on line information you receive from your bank. Don't be surprised when something that was free isn't, or something that was low cost is having a hefty increase. Of course, you can always switch banks but most of them will find a way to grab their pound of flesh.

...More will decide to delay retirement or go back to work. Some of this will be because of economic need. The financial damage done to IRA and 401(k) accounts will not be repaired easily. Others will find their company pensions or promised benefits cut or "restructured."

But, a growing trend is for folks to keep working because they enjoy all that comes with employment besides the paycheck: relationships with co-workers, feeling productive and needed, or having no real plan for retirement. While that last reason is one that can be addressed, some are most content at work and will stay employed well past the usual age to hang it up.

...Increased reliance on technology. This will be impossible to escape. Already many airlines charge extra if you want to make a reservation on the phone with a live agent. Banks are considering charges to use a teller instead of on-line banking. Many banks already charge extra if you want your statements mailed to you, and I'm not aware of any banks that will still return cashed checks each month.

Smart phones are becoming a digital wallet. Your credit cards will exist on your phone instead of in your purse or wallet. You will pay for items at the grocery store or the coffee shop by swiping your phone at the register.

Tablets are rapidly replacing laptop computers, which have already made desktops virtually obsolete. Newspapers and magazines are switching to digital platforms as quickly as they can and charging to access information.

Sign up for Social Security or Medicare, renew your driver's license, even pay that speeding ticket on-line. More books are now sold on-line, in digital form, than the printed versions. Amazon will sell you everything from refrigerators to a bag of kitty litter and ship it to your door. Netflix is moving to the elimination of disc through the mail, preferring all customers stream their movies and TV shows directly to the television.

...Entitlements & retirement age may be changing. While seniors have  very loud and persuasive voice in Washington, there will be no choice but to scale back Social Security and Medicare payments and tighten eligibility. The full retirement age, already set at 67 for younger folks, will likely find its way to 70 over the next decade or two. The deficit and the country's demographics leave politicians little choice. No changes will affect anyone over 55, but younger generations will not see programs that look like ours.

The trend toward taking more personal responsibility for your own satisfying retirement will accelerate. Dependence on government or corporate efforts has proven to be shaky at best. Each one of us is ultimately in charge of how happy we are and how we choose to live.

What do you think might happen? What good, bad, and important trends or events might 2013 bring? Look into your version of a crystal ball and tell us what you see.

Deciding What Matters: Looking At The Big Picture

The October/November issue of AARP's "The Magazine" had an article that caught my eye: Bette Midler talking about dreams, destiny, and what matters. In addition to her music, she has won honors for her work in movies and on the Broadway stage. As she approaches 70 she isn't slowing down. In fact, her new movie with Billy Crystal opens on Christmas day. I thought several of her comments seem to fit a satisfying retirement well.

*Life is not your personal express lane. For someone in show business I imagine that was a lesson that didn't come easily. Stars of her caliber are used to a lifestyle that we can only imagine. But, most of us do finally grasp the reality of a world filled with 7 billion other people. Regardless of how successful, talented, lucky, or gifted, a large percentage of the rest of the world could care less. 

Our best path lies in balancing our needs and desires with a sensitivity to others. I am living proof that someone who was self-absorbed and rather insensitive  can actually develop a growing sense of empathy and compassion for others. It is a work in progress but has helped me put much of my life past, present, and future into a more realistic perspective. There are other people out there. Who knew?

*The big world is better than your little one. It is very easy for us to get so wrapped up in our problems and day-to-day life that we forget there is a big, fascinating world out there. Shaking up our routine with travel certainly helps. So does exposing ourselves to new ideas and different kinds of people.

I am convinced that many of the problems in this country and around the globe would be much less severe if folks weren't so convinced they have all the answers. There is nothing more dangerous than a mind closed to any new input. 

*You can't always be "on." For us, that means you can't always be available. You can't accept every request for your time. You can't volunteer for everything. You can't be running at full throttle all the time.

There is an absolute need in all of us to turn off every once in awhile. Relax, unplug, un-commit. Be unavailable for a time. Allow yourself to be tired, grumpy, or unsociable occasionally. We all need a time when we are "off."

*It is OK to let go of a dream. In the article Bette says a dream is just that: a dream. There comes a time when reality must take over. Will I ever play guitar with Paul McCartney? Not likely. Will I move to an island in the South Pacific and spend my remaining days writing the great American novel. No.

Dreams and goals are what keep us moving forward. They add spice to our daily existence. But, they are no substitute for dealing with life as it is. If a dream has outlived its usefulness, then dream a new dream. Don't let a missed dream freeze you in place.


I've always enjoyed "The Divine Miss M" for her brassy, take no prisoners attitude. This article seemed perfect for her....and us.

Hidden Joys - Right Around The Corner

If you are like most folks, the longer you live in one particular place the less likely you are to explore new things that are close by. It is just human nature to start to take where you live for granted. For example, I know people who have lived in Arizona for thirty years and have never been to the Grand Canyon. I bet there are those who have grown up in Hawaii and spent no time at the beach.

Betty and I have lived in Arizona for 28 years, the last eleven of which we have been enjoying our satisfying retirement. So, it is not because we haven't had the time, it just that we stopped looking for things in the Phoenix area that might be fun and interesting.

But, within the last several months we found two places and events that have existed for years that are within thirty minutes of our home...that we have never experienced before.

The Japanese Friendship Gardens just celebrated its tenth anniversary last month. Named Ro Ho En, this is an authentic 3 1/2 acre Japanese Garden featuring a tea house with monthly tea ceremonies. Over 300 Koi fish populate a a large pond in the center of the gardens. Located just a few blocks from the center of Phoenix, and built over part of the I-10 freeway, this nearly 4 acre joy is serene and beautiful. Landscape architects from sister city, Himeji, Japan, made 60 trips to Phoenix and City of Phoenix delegations made five trips to Himeji since 1987 when the idea for the gardens was first hatched.

You can probably guess that Betty took her camera and took hundreds of photos. Here are just a few to give you a visual treat:

A few months ago  we went to something quite a bit more lively than the Friendship Gardens: The Burning Bush Drum Circle. The first Friday of each month, a group of drummers gather in a parking lot in a Phoenix neighborhood and pound away for the next two hours.

Actually, the sound is much more than just the rhythmic beating of drums. All sorts of hand percussion instruments are brought. It is not unusual to hear flutes, a didgeridoo, shakers, bells, and tambourines play together. Add to that a belly dancer or two, a young lady playing finger cymbals, a few brave young men twirling flaming sticks, a bon fire and a special evening takes place.

On some nights up to sixty drummers appear, some as young as twelve, others probably in their late 70's. The clothing styles range from 60's tie-dyed T-shirts and dreadlocks, to Docker pants and polo shirts. Most bring folding chairs or stools as they hover over beautifully decorated African drums.

This past Friday night we discovered that this monthly event was moving to a downtown art gallery now open in an old ice house building. We decided to experience the drum circle again in this new location. While the crowds were smaller, the drummers were just as enthusiastic.

Frankly, this type of event is not what one normally expects to find in Phoenix. Known more for its expensive resorts and 300 golf courses, the metropolitan area has not been particularly diverse in its cultural offerings. Over the last few years that has begun to change as entrepreneurs take over old warehouses or industrial buildings and convert them into artist lofts, galleries, and small restaurants. Once almost a ghost town at night, downtown Phoenix has become much more urban in its feel. Adding the Burnish Bush Drum Circle is one small step in the right direction.

Again, here are some photos from Friday night to help you get a sense for the Burning Bush Drum Circle and art show:

Betty becomes part of the show!

A video sample from last May. Not the best quality but you get the idea.

Inside the gallery

More from inside the art exhibit

I am sure there are dozens of other hidden joys that are waiting for us to discover them. Last year Betty and I found a free, weekly, open mic music night at the Tempe Art Museum. Who knew?

A Fresh Persepctive

Last week I wrote, I don't want the old model of retirement, a post that generated a healthy number of comments. All of the feedback gave me a fresh perspective on something that has been bothering me for the last few years: my dad's apparently boring and inactive approach to his life after mom's death, two years ago this Sunday.

In that post I expressed frustration that he seemed content to spend the last phase of his life sitting in a chair and reading rather than meeting new people and becoming involved in the activities of his retirement community. I just couldn't accept that he was happy and content, that this was an acceptable satisfying retirement.

Up stepped the BRITW (best readers in the world) to set me straight. In summary, the errors of my ways were gently, but clearly, pointed out. His choices were his choices. My judgment of those choices was not really the issue. Due to his basic personality type, severe hearing loss, the death of his life-long partner, and back pains, he has determined what works best for him. My attempts to change him failed. So, I needed to stop.

I will continue to see him for lunch every week, take him to doctor's appointments and shopping trips, bring him to our house for holiday meals, and handle all his taxes, finances and investments. But, if he is happy reading and napping, then I must be happy, too.

All that being said, the various responses got me to thinking back to when my two brothers and I were growing up. Was there much of a difference between then and now? What can I remember of how he used to be? Several strong memories have helped me to remember some sides of him that I have given short shift in recent years.

Game Playing

"Beat Dad" was one of the most common expressions in our home. No, we weren't involved in any type of physical activity; we were playing games. Dad loved playing any game with the three boys and mom. But, he would always win. Whether it was Monopoly, Risk, Parcheesi, Crazy Eights, Hearts, or even Ping Pong he never lost. So, our battle cry was to "Beat Dad." I do remember sometime around 13 years of age I did win a card game. I celebrated the big moment by dancing around the table, while everyone else started chanting, "Beat Bob."

Dad was not an outdoors man. Except for a little golf later in life, sports or doing things outside wasn't his thing. But, when I was 12 and living in Cambridge, Ohio, he did decide that all fathers are supposed to take their son fishing. There was a small urban lake not far from our home that may or may not have contained any fish. But, Dad bought me a fishing rod and reel, a few sinker weights, a bobber, and a bag of rubber worms.

For two hours we sat on the bank of this little lake, sharing our one fishing rod, casting a large rubber worm in the murky water over and over. No surprise, we caught nothing. I never went fishing again. But, he had done what he felt was one of his important tasks as a dad. It was nothing he cared about, but because he cared so much for me he wanted to be sure I had that experience.

Map reading and manhood

Very early in life I became a map reader. For whatever reason I loved geography and finding places on a globe and in the World Almanac. When I was old enough I was given a road atlas of all the states and spent many a happy hour studying major highways and important routes that bisected each state.

The mark of my advance to manhood might have been when I was promoted to map reader and navigator on a family vacation. I got to sit in the front seat and tell dad where we were every time we passed an exit. As I remember on that particular trip we were driving from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh, a drive we had taken dozens of times before. Most of the trip was spent on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, so there was little actual navigation I had to perform. But, he knew of my love of maps and travel and allowed me to take the seat of honor in the front and help insure my family's safe arrival. 

No Worries

Dad had problems with his job choices. He seemed to always join a company right before it was sold or went out of business. At one point he was set to take a job in San Diego. We had already sold our home in suburban Boston when the offer fell through. In very short order we had to buy a place to live while he scrambled to land another position with another company.

What I remember most about his career was how many times our dining room table would be covered by resumes and envelopes.....and never once did the frustration or worry affect our home. I was too young to really understand what was really going on but I am sure he was deeply concerned about those times when we lived on mom's salary as a teacher.

I am sure he worried about the family's future. But, to his eternal credit, his three sons never knew about any of these struggles. Since we were a frugal family in good times and bad there was never a noticeable change in our routine. Only later in life did I understand what a gift he had give us: the gift of no worries.


Blogging has added many positives to my life. But, one that was unexpected is the insight I have gained by allowing others to give me fresh perspectives on my life's journey. To have "strangers" become part of my life and people I can depend on to be honest and helpful has been a tremendous blessing.  

Thank you for reading, commenting, and caring. Thank you for opening my eyes.

Holiday Apps To Make Your Life Easier

What follows is a guest post from Andrea Woroch is a nationally-recognized consumer and money-saving expert. Over the last few years how shopping decisions are made is evolving. One of the biggest changes involves the use of apps (short for applications) on smart phones or tablets.

As we enter the last few weeks of the holiday shopping season, here are some apps that you might consider using to help you organize your life, save money, and enhance your satisfying retirement.

A recent Pricegrabber survey reports 82 percent of online shoppers will use shopping apps to save on holiday gifts this year. With so many apps to choose from, it's difficult to distinguish which ones will save you money or just take up memory. As you start to plan your holiday shopping strategy, download these recommended mobile apps that will make your life much easier and purchases much cheaper.

Gift List App - Apple

Start your holiday shopping on the right financial foot by downloading a holiday gift list app. The Gift List App ($1.99) for Apple devices enables you to organize gift ideas, store recipient information and track your budget. Android owners can use the Free Christmas List for similar capabilities.

Coupon Sherpa App - Apple and Android

Coupon Sherpa was the first-ever mobile coupon app, and features hundreds of digital coupons for popular stores like Kohls and Macy's. As a previous iTunes Staff Favorite and a regular on top-shopping-apps lists, Coupon Sherpa makes it easy to score in-store savings at retailers and restaurants, especially during the holiday season. Simply hand your phone to the cashier and they'll scan the coupon. No clipping required.

Decide App - Apple (iPhone and iPad)

We've all been there: You carefully plan your purchase to procure the best deal, and a few months later you find your coveted item for much less than you paid. Luckily, Decide.com created an app for iPhones and iPads to help you determine the best time to buy everything from cameras to table saws.

RedLaser App - Apple and Android

As retailers amp up their price-matching programs this holiday season, the RedLaser barcode scanning app will be especially handy. Target and Best Buy, for example, will price-match on line retailers including Amazon, making it easier than ever to score the price you want while completing your in-store purchase.

Lookout Mobile Security App - Android

Think about all the personal information your mobile device contains, not to mention the apps and websites you use every day. Couple that with the growing trend of mobile commerce, and your device is a hot commodity for hackers. PCMagazine's Editor's Choice for Android is the Lookout Mobile Security App. It's available for free, or for $2.99 per month for enhanced security.

OneReceipt App - Apple

Like in-laws and baked confections, you'll likely find yourself overrun with receipts this holiday season. Stay organized using the OneReceipt app to digitally store your many proofs of purchase. You can organize e-receipts and on line purchase confirmations, as well as snap photos of hard copy receipts to cut down on paper clutter.

Slice App - Apple and Android

Similar to the OneReceipt app, this one's for the loyal on line shopper. The Slice App organizes all of your e-commerce activity and helps you track on line orders and expenditures. Available for free on both Apple and Android devices, the app also alerts you about price reductions on desired products.

DealBoard App - Apple

Are you struggling with daily deal fatigue? If so, look no further than the DealBoard app to reduce your in box clutter. This handy app aggregates daily deal offers into a single email based on your preferences, eliminating the need for individual subscriptions. Own an Android device? Try the similar Deal Drop app.

BuyOrNot App - Apple

It's easy to evaluate your shopping options when you're surfing the web, but user reviews and other product evaluations are harder to come by in-store. Enter the BuyOrNot App, a barcode-scanning app with access to a jaw-dropping 45 million product reviews.

Car Locator App - Android

With crowded malls come crazy parking lots and when you're in a hurry, it's easy to forget where you parked. If you've ever found yourself wandering endlessly in search of your vehicle, consider downloading the Car Locator app for Android or Honk for Apple. These apps not only lead you to your car, they also feature a special timer that alerts you when the parking meter is about to expire so you avoid tickets.

Andrea Woroch has been featured on top news outlets such as Good Morning America, NBC's Today, MSNBC, New York Times, Kiplinger Personal Finance, CNNMoney and many more. You can email andrea@kinoliinc.com.

Note: I receieved no compensation for any of the products or companies noted in the above guest post.

The RV Rolls On: One More Trip Before Year's End

R.T. (road trip) the RV

Even though it was late November, Betty, Bailey, and I were still able to take a quick trip in R.T. our RV. We don't have to worry about freezing temperatures or winter-proofing the rig. True, a trip to Flagstaff or the White Mountains would be a little too risky. Temperatures up north are in the low 20's at night and snow has already fallen. But, in most of the state, day time highs remain in the 60's and 70's: perfect for a few days away.

Since our schedule for the first few months of 2013 looks like we will have to stick close to home, we decided to squeeze in a two night getaway to Dead Horse Ranch State Park while we still could. Located in Cottonwood, about 2 hours north of Scottsdale, this is a great place for people and dogs! 

Bailey is so hooked on RV travel already that as soon as we open the gate to the side yard, she makes a fast dash for the RV door and makes it clear she wants to go. Once inside she instantly settles down on the coach and seems to urge us to hurry up and get moving to our destination. When it gets a little chilly at night, she finds an old Indian blanket is perfect for snuggling next to us.

Those 4:30 AM trips outside for her potty needs are rather chilly, but she is worth it.

Dead Horse Ranch Park is a tremendous combination of desert trees and bushes, three lagoons for fishing, picnicking  or just walking and talking. The RV sites overlook the lights of Cottonwood, and high on the hill, the artist community of Jerome. There are several miles of hiking trails, an abandoned settler's cabin, and beautiful sunsets.

 

From our dining window we also saw Tuzigoot just a few miles away. This is the site of an ancient pueblo perched on top of a hill. Originally there were 110 rooms spread over three stories. The first building was constructed by the Sinagua people  around 1000 A.D. The site was abandoned about 1400 A.D. 

Today, Tuzigoot is a National Monument site that allows visitors to walk through the remaining rooms and explore the history of the original residents.

Our time was spent hiking, reading, editing photos, planning our next few trips, and figuring out how best to store everything in R.T. Sleeping until almost 8:00 am was an unexpected treat. With temperatures inside the RV around 50 degrees when we first woke up, my job was to dash to the thermostat and turn on the furnace...no reason to get up until things warmed up. 

We may not be able to head out again for awhile. But, the memories linger.

Bailey and Dad walking together right after lunch

Grandkids and Limits: Yours and Theirs

For many of us having grandkids is one of the sweetest parts of our satisfying retirement. To see your children have children is an amazing experience. To be able to participate in their lives is a joy that never ends. Frankly, to be able to say goodbye at the end of the day and leave the messy parts of child-rearing to others is also very nice!

I know many who are regular readers of this blog live far away from their grandchildren and don't see them as often as they'd like. But, that makes the time you do get to spend with them even more important.

Amidst all the happiness there are some dangers in having grandkids. Usually they are being raised by your children, not you. Regardless of how well you feel your children turned out, I can guarantee that they, along with their spouse, will have at least a few different ideas on how they prefer to raise their kids. And, that is where problems can arise.

The Biggest No-No

Few things can sour a good relationship with your grown child, his or her spouse, and grandkids quicker than inserting yourself into how the children are being raised. Saying something meant to correct a behavior you think is wrong rarely is a smart decision. Talking privately with your child with a suggestion that he or she is making a mistake in child-rearing will not go much better. "That's not how we raised you" are six words that never produce a positive outcome.

Of course, if there is some form of child abuse in evidence you must take steps to bring it to a halt. But, usually, the problem is simply one of differences: your child has chosen to raise his or her child without copying your parenting playbook. Accept it. Realize your child is an adult and deserves to be treated as one. Would you tell a friend what to do unless asked?

Baby-sitting burnout?

Another flash point can be the overplaying of the "grandparent" card by your child. That is when you find yourself babysitting or caring for your precious bundles of joy to the point where you begin to see them as burdens. Your lifestyle and freedoms are being held hostage to a constant request to "watch the kids for a little while."

Since grandparents rarely charge for babysitting this is a financial help to your child. It is also a nice testament to your overall parenting skills and comfort in your presence. But, if you find that you are the only babysitter in your kid's address book and it is becoming an unwelcome occurrence, you can consider becoming a little less available whenever your services are requested.

The reverse situation can also produce tension if you aren't sensitive to it: being around the grandkids too often. If you are lucky enough to live close by, be careful of how frequently you use the "I was in the neighborhood so I just thought I'd drop by" excuse. Being a too frequent presence in the grandkids' lives may bother your child, particularly if you are in the habit of bringing little gifts. 

No Grandkids?

For those who do not have grandkids I imagine you wonder what this post has to do with you. You still might have someone call you Grandad or Gran at some point in the future so hang in there. If you are not likely to ever have this experience I think these cautions apply just as well to how you interact with your grown children.

It is simply a matter of communication and the acceptance of the reality that different approaches aren't wrong, just different. You raised your child to think on his or her own and make decisions. That what is happening. Rejoice that your teachings stuck.

How about you? What grandparent/grandchild problems have you faced? How do you handle the over or under exposure to your grandkids? Help us all with your experience and suggestion.

Is Retirement Time the Same as Working Time?

A while back a reader named Nik wanted to know if my 11 years of retirement have gone by quickly. Nik wondered if there is a difference in how time seems to unfold when someone is retired versus during his or her working years.

Besides the normal feeling that time does pass more quickly as we age (2013 is in 5 weeks?), that is an interesting question. I hadn't really thought about it until Nik asked about it. Obviously time is the one thing in our life that is irreplaceable and priceless. How we spend it is so much more more important than the state of our investment accounts or our various goals and passions. 

The Ultimate Bankruptcy

Running out of time is the ultimate bankruptcy. Almost anything else can be handled, adjusted for, or dealt with. But, in the end, your time has been used up and the game is over. How you spend it between this moment and that point is critical to your overall happiness. So, to address the question on the table, "does the passage of time differ between your working and retired life?"

My answer is, "Yes." Importantly, note I said "my answer." Your feelings may differ and if so I sincerely hope you leave a comment. Time is so personal to each of us that there is no one, correct answer. But, for me after eleven years of retirement I believe I see time and it's passage much differently.

While I was working for a paycheck time was just something that passed. I would spend most of the day working, traveling, or killing time in a hotel room until going to sleep and starting all over again the next morning. Weekends at home were consumed by catching up on all the office work that piled up while I was on the road and doing those maintenance things required when you own a house. Weeks, even months passed with no real conscious feel for the passage of time.

My calendar revolved around the ratings periods that my client radio stations went through four times a year. The end-of-the-year push to get new contracts signed so I could keep doing what I did for a living also was a crucial period each year. Except for a few weeks of vacation time, I really don't think time registered with me except as something I never had enough of. As you might imagine my health and my relationship with Betty and the girls suffered from this lifestyle.

Whole years passed that I only remember parts of...if I look back at my travel schedule and recreate what I was doing and with whom in each of those cities. I didn't have a spiritual anchor or any hobbies to hold onto. Yes, the money was great and we didn't want for much. But, all that time just went.

Retirement Changes Everything

Starting in June, 2001 things began to change. I stopped traveling. My weeks and months were no longer defined by the needs of business clients, airline schedules, or hotel bookings. Time became a measurement of something that was real to me. The weeks, months, and seasons moved at the same speed but I was part of them, not just passing through them.

As I have written in previous posts, it took me a few years to find out what worked best for me in terms of a mixture of activities, leisure, and productivity. Like many newly retired folks, for several months I simply relished in the total freedom to do lots of nothing. After spending 150 days a year in hotel rooms I needed this period of nothingness. After awhile, though, that wasn't enough.

Then, I discovered the fun of ham radio. After studying to obtain the federal license required to transmit, I began to talk with fellow amateurs all over the world. I joined a local club, made new friends and even agreed to serve as the club's president for three years.

Later my volunteering side kicked in and I became a Stephen Minister, sort of a lay minister for those suffering from all sorts of life problems and issues. Then, my work with prison inmates and those recently released began. I discovered blogging in June 2010 and my life hasn't been the same since.

My sense of time in retirement is completely different from how I saw it while working. Now, I treasure it, look for ways to save it, and discover new things about my self as I spend it. My relationship to time isn't nearly as passive as it was when I worked. 

The Realness of Time

Time has become much more real to me. As I move through my sixth decade (or is it 7th decade?)  I find it hard to think of myself as a 63 year old guy. So, I don't.

My age means only a few things that really matter: I get Social Security and Medicare soon, I qualify for senior discounts, and I have enough aches and pains to participate in any conversion with my peers!

It also means I have the freedom to shape my life in a way that suits me. I have the control over most of my time each day to do what pleases me, make others feel better, and contribute to helping our world. While working, the time I had did not allow me the luxury of indulging in those three benefits.

So, yes, Nik, retirement time is different than working time. Does it pass too quickly? Absolutely. Do I hope I stay healthy and active for many more years? Sure. But, at least now I have a sense of its incredible value and blessing. It is a resource that is given to us, one minute at a time. In my satisfying retirement I get to choose how to spend it.