Satisfying Retirement

May 26, 2018

A Woman Looks at a Woman's Relationship to Money

If you’re a woman, chances are good that in the years ahead, it will be you and you alone who’s responsible for managing your money.

That could be a problem: Even among the very affluent, many women admit they know little to nothing about bigger-picture money concerns such as financial planning and investment management, according to a recent survey. “A lot of women cede those responsibilities to their husbands or partners because they say they don’t have the time, interest or opportunity to learn,” says Luna Jaffe. “Things are changing- more women are choosing not to marry or have been devastated by divorce or death of a loved one. They recognize they can’t ignore money any more, but don’t know where to turn or who to trust.”

But even women with a net worth of at least $1 million concede they aren’t especially knowledgeable about money management. In the Women & Wealth Study sponsored by GenSpring Family Offices, only a third said they know a lot about financial planning, and 30 percent said the same for investment management. Part of the problem is that financial education is male-oriented, catering to how men’s brains are wired and what appeals to them, Jaffe says, “When we approach it creatively and from a more emotion-based perspective, women are not only drawn to learning about it, they have no trouble getting it,” Jaffe says.

She offers these three things every woman should know about their relationship to money:

• Your investment decisions are influenced by your emotional baggage. We all bring baggage into our relationships, and it’s no different with money, Jaffe says. When you’re not aware of the baggage operating quietly in the background, you may think you’re making smart decisions when you’re actually simply reacting to past experiences. And those might not have been even your own experiences! “Whether you or a loved one suffered the consequences of a bad financial investment, it can color your thinking in many ways, from destroying your confidence in your judgment to writing off all similar investments as ‘bad.’ ’’ Take time to reflect on the experiences you’ve had with investing, the decisions you made, and the conclusions you made as a result. What stories do you tell yourself because of these experiences?

• Understand the emotional response with which you receive money, whether a paycheck, a gift or an inheritance. It’s important to receive money with grace – to savor it, to be grateful for it, to be at peace with it. But depending on the circumstances by which it arrives, and lingering emotions from past experiences, we sometimes receive money with anger, guilt, resentment, greed, entitlement or any of a host of other negative emotions. This can lead to self-destructive actions. Jaffe shares a story about receiving a small inheritance from her father at a time when she had no money. She loaned the whole sum to a friend, who promptly vanished. “I was still grieving his death, and I received money that represented his legacy, yet it was only a tiny fraction of his estate – his second wife got everything else. Deep inside, I felt ripped off. Perhaps I thought by loaning my inheritance, I could wash the confusion and grief out of the money making it clean and safe to use. ”

• Know your Comfort Zone for risk and stay within it. Investment comes with risks; you can assume a lot for potentially greater returns, or less for lower returns. Understanding your Comfort Zone and staying within it will help you stay committed to your financial plan. Would your best friend describe you as a risk taker? If you got $100,000 with instructions to invest it all in just ONE of these options – stocks, a savings account, a mutual fund portfolio of stocks and bonds, or your best friend’s start-up – which would you choose? Knowing whether you’re very conservative; happy with a little growth; comfortable with some ups and downs; or in for adventure will help you avoid taking financial advice that makes you uncomfortable.

About Luna Jaffe

Luna Jaffe is a Certified Financial Planner™ and Accredited Asset Management Specialist with more than 10 years of financial advising experience. She is the author of “Wild Money: A Creative Journey to Financial Wisdom” and its companion workbook, “Wild Money: A Financial Field Guide and Journal,” (www.lunajaffe.com)

I received no compensation for this post

May 23, 2018

My Retirement Caculator

Do a simple Google search for the phrase, satisfying retirement, and you will find 6 million references. That seems like a lot. But, wait. Try "retirement calculator" and the results soar to 12.4 million links. That actually doesn't surprise me since the financial aspects of retirement are top of mind to most.

Such a calculator allows the user to put in the amount of various investments, savings, pensions, Social Security, and the like and predict how much will be available upon retirement age. Or, it is possible to input your age and lifestyle information and determine how much money you will have to save to be able to retire.

But, I'd like to take the retirement calculator phrase and give it a different meaning. I'd like to input the things that tend to make up a satisfying retirement and predict what my life will be like. Instead of 401(k) or IRA numbers, investment and savings amounts, inheritances, and home equity I'd like to be able to input:

...My passion index would be a measure of my ability to truly enjoy the time and opportunity retirement gives me. Would I wake up each morning ready to fill my day (and night) with activities and events that light my fire?

...My relationship status. How healthy are my primary relationships? How about friends...do I have any? Like too many men, did I leave all my male relationships back at work? Do I have a mentor, someone I can learn from?

...My health and physical status. In addition to a BMI number, height weight, and overall heart health, am I following a path that will give me as many healthy years as my body is programmed to give me? Will my desire to eat well and relax cost me years of active, productive life?

...My attitudes and demeanor. Will I become like the stereotypical crabby old man...the one who gripes at everything and everyone, the one who believes the world has gone to hell in a hand basket? Will I approach change as a possible good thing?

...My spirituality and belief in a higher power. How can I calculate my place in the universe if I don't believe in something greater than me? What affect will my faith have in my future happiness? How will I handle adversity..as a personal affront or simply a way for me to test my faith and belief system?

...My risk-taking profile. Do I think change is good, or will I fight it? Will I be content to say "I wish I had..." or will I say "I'm glad I...." Will I shy away from challenge because I might fail, or will I embrace it as a true measure of my aliveness?

No such retirement calculator is for sale. Converting emotions, knowledge, attitudes, spirituality, and relationship health cannot be quantified. I'm afraid we all have to do these calculations the hard way...by hand, one-at a time, for the rest of our lives.

If only this were real

May 20, 2018

Discover Your Passions: Know Who You Are

Key to a fulfilling life

A key to living a fulfilling life in retirement is having or discovering a passion (or passions), something that truly drive you, that you feel you are here on earth to do.

I have known a few people, one quite well, who discovered in their early twenties what was important to them, what their passions were, what they felt they were here on earth to do, and pursued those passions. They knew themselves and didn’t let their parents, friends or society dictate how they would live or what their life’s purpose was. I envy them. Most of us are not as perceptive of ourselves at such a young age.

I had to discover a passion for retirement because I had worked all my life at something that I was not passionate about. I understood that in order to discover a passion I had to understand who I am. Figuring out who I am was not complicated, but it required time and effort. It took a lot of mental work, the hardest kind of work. It took a lot of experimenting and trial and error, the scariest kind of work. But almost anyone can do it. You don’t have to be a monk, priest, philosopher or psychologist. You don’t have to have a college degree.

What does it mean to ask who am I?

It sounds like some new age gobbledygook, but it is really not as mysterious as it sounds. Who I am, the authentic me, consists of what fulfills me; what, to me, is important and unimportant; what I like and dislike; what interests me and what does not; what I want out of life; what makes me feel that I am doing something worthwhile; what makes me feel happy, fulfilled, competent and esteemed. What makes me feel sad, frustrated, angry, afraid and inadequate was instructive. When I grasped what caused those feelings, I was close to discovering what I was passionate about.

Knowing yourself makes it more likely that you will find something that you are or become passionate about. Although there is such a thing as an epiphany, when all of a sudden something important just comes to you, the discovery of a passion did not come to me in that way. Usually some experience with something is required before it becomes a passion.

Finding out who I am not was also helpful. I am not my job. Although I didn’t realize it for years, I was not a lawyer. I practiced law, but a lawyer was not who I was or who I am. I was not wholly a husband or a father; they were only part of what I was. Just as one never really knows another person, he never totally knows himself. Knowing yourself is a lifelong process that never ends.

Questions Asked

During the process of finding out who I am and am not I found a passion. Some of the things I asked myself and did that helped me understand who I am and to discover my passion were:

• I thought long and hard about what during the course of my life I had enjoyed doing. I also thought about what I didn’t enjoy. I considered what made my heart sing, what excited me, what I wished I could do more of, what were some general characteristics of what I enjoyed. Were they usually done outdoors? Did they involve something creative—music, dance, painting, writing, building or designing things? Did they involve doing things with my hands?

• What part of my job or jobs did I enjoy?

• I thought about what other people that I admired were doing.

• I even made lists of possibilities.

• I understood that I liked to learn new things and considered what type of things I would enjoy learning.

• I asked myself whether I am a planner, or am I more spontaneous? Some activities need more planning than others. Some of the creative arts are relatively spontaneous. Organizing a political campaign requires a lot of planning.

• Many people are passionate about creating. I thought about whether there was anything I would like to create. Men especially often bury the creative side of themselves. Once guys reach adolescence they are not encouraged to pursue anything creative. That doesn’t mean it isn’t buried down there somewhere. I tried digging it up.

• I always knew that history, art and culture interested me. There are a lot of activities that involve history, art and culture, including travel and writing.

•I realized I am not really a people person. I am more the solitary type, an introvert. This is important because a people person probably shouldn’t try to pursue something that involves a lot of alone time—writing, for example; a solitary person should not try something that keeps him around people most of the time, such as fundraising for charities.

• Do I enjoy physical effort or mental effort more, I asked?

• Do I need to keep busy doing a lot of different tasks, or am I happy focusing on one thing for a long time?

• Do I enjoy dealing with detail, or am I more a big picture person?

• Am I a perfectionist?

• Does helping other people make me feel fulfilled?

• Do I like sports, reading, writing, listening to music, hiking, taking photos?

• I looked through the catalogue of local night schools and extension schools to find classes that interested me, not necessarily to take the classes, but to clarify what types of subject matter interested me.

• I thought about what the meaning or purpose of my life could be? What would fulfill me or might leave my mark here on earth?

• I tried to keep an open mind and do and see things I normally wouldn’t. I read about things I hadn’t read about before, realizing that I might discover something that I had buried, so I might not readily see or feel it. I examined every possibility I could think of.

• I thought about my values. Why am I here? Why is anybody here? What is most important to me? I read books about what other people have had to say about those questions.

Eventually, I discovered that my passions were writing and travel, and that is what I have focused during my retirement, which has been the most fulfilling time in my life.

Boyd Lemon-Author of Retirement: A Memoir and Guide; Eat, Walk, Write: An American Senior’s Year of Adventure in Paris and Tuscany; Digging Deep: A Writer Uncovers His Marriages; and 4 other books. Information, reviews and excerpts: http://www.BoydLemon-Writer.com. Amazon Author Page: http://www.Amazon.com/author/boydlemon.

Satisfying Retirement received no compensation for this guest post or its promotional value.

May 17, 2018

Finding a True Friend

This topic is on my mind because of the just-concluded trip to Oregon to visit a few fellow bloggers. As things turned out I have made several real friends out of virtual ones. What happened to make this transition? What are the characteristics we look for when asking someone else into our life? Since having friends is an important part of a satisfying retirement it seemed worth a closer look.

One of the keys is the ability to share openly. If we are with someone and we must constantly watch what we say or self-censor too much, then a real friendship is unlikely. Sharing both joys and sorrows is critical to a meaningful friendship. That can't happen if communication isn't open and expressive. We shouldn't be hesitant to open up to a real friend.

Be willing to try and experience new things together is a good test of a friendship. When any of us leave our comfort zone there is some tension and nervousness present. Even something as simple as trying a different cuisine because your friend likes it can reveal a lot about the state of the relationship. Traveling might be a better test. Being together for several days while away from the security of home and routine can quickly test a budding friendship. If you can laugh together at misfortunes and share great experiences, then a deep friendship may be possible.

A core of common beliefs and the acceptance of different beliefs must both be present. While these points might seem contradictory, I believe they are critical. Common beliefs might include the importance of respect for other people, that discrimination has no place in our society, or that children deserve the very best we can provide. Different beliefs may be about spirituality or religion, political affiliations and hot button issues of the day. Friendship requires that those differences are never used as a wedge or weapon. Spirited discussions and honest disagreements should create a stronger bond between two people that value that relationship.

There must be no pressure to "perform." Think back to a dating relationship you have had. The small talk and overt politeness are part of that world. We want to present our best possible face to the other person. But, in a true friendship it is perfectly OK for one person to be having a bad day and admit it. We don't have to always look or feel our best all the time. That isn't real life and friends don't want someone to put up a front or play a part. "Dress-up" isn't part of this type of relationship.

There must be an sincere interest to learn more about that person. Nothing could be more unfulfilling than to spend time with someone over a long period of time and never learn more about each other. That would mean one or both people are being dishonest about their feelings and needs. It would mean that the relationship would never become more than skin-deep.

Many people much wiser than I have made the point that friendship brings depth and joy to someone's life. True friendship is a special gift that two people give to each other. As Proverbs notes, "Disregarding another person's faults preserves love." Deep friendship is an essential part of a satisfying retirement and a life lived well and fully.

May 14, 2018

Retirees: How Did We Grow Up So Deprived?

While I am on vacation and in places with spotty Internet coverage I am re-running some popular posts of the past several years. I can't respond to comments but please feel free to leave your thoughts for everyone to read and think about. Please enjoy some of the articles that you might have missed the first time around.

Fresh posts will return on May 29th!

The speed at which technology evolves is both amazing and terrifying. Just when we take the plunge and buy something new to enhance our satisfying retirement, the upgraded model is already been released. I read a few days ago that up to 33% of all adults will be using tablets, like iPads and Kindles within four years. Considering that the very first iPad was made available less than two years ago, that is incredible.

This shift in how our lives are directly and deeply impacted by technology got me thinking about the things that seemed so normal when we were growing up. Today, most of our citizens would feel severely deprived if they had to live with:

Only 3 TV channels. ABC, CBS, and NBC were it when I was young. We were not the first to have a TV in our neighborhood. I remember running down the street to watch The Howdy Doody Show at a friend's home...on a 13" screen. Today even "basic" cable has 22 choices!

Beta, then VHS tape. Our growing family choose the loser, Beta. Then, we spent months copying those tapes to VHS. Digital? Hadn't been invented yet. Remember sitting down to watch a movie and finding out someone hadn't rewound the tape from the last time? Or, the movie you wanted was in the middle of the tape and there was no search function? Streaming movies? Nope. No Internet!

No computers. I am not so old that I used an abacus, but I remember when having a small calculator for balancing a checkbook was a big deal. Occasionally we'd see a picture of a room-sized "super computer" but no one could imagine what it did or how it would ever be part of a normal person's life.

Pay Phones. Always leave home with several dimes (then quarters) in case you had to call someone during an emergency. Pay phones, undamaged and with a full phone book were as common as blue mailboxes (Oh, there's another thing that is virtually gone!). The idea of being in touch 24/7 would have seemed ludicrous. Who is that important?

Long distance train travel instead of airplanes. Taking 2 days to get to Florida instead of 4 hours. Planning a trip to include sleeping and eating while the country and city view rolled by your window. Not having to take off part of your clothing to travel and railroad employees who treated you like a guest, not an inconvenience.

Just one car per family. For most of us, one car was entirely sufficient. Dad went to work while Mom stayed home. She was the chauffeur for after school events, if Dad took the train to work. Otherwise, the kids walked or took a bus. The family went out to dinner or driving vacations together. Whoever got to sit in the front seat was allowed to control the AM radio.

Music on big vinyl discs that get scratched. Learning to pick up a tone arm and put it on the track you wanted in the middle of the record became a necessary skill. The only thing that was burned was toast in the kitchen. The idea of creating your own music disc?.....a daydream. You liked one song you bought a 45 rpm single. You like two songs you bought the entire album.

Neighborhood specialty stores. A big box store was a store that sold moving boxes. While there were some larger supermarkets in bigger towns and cities, they could be quite a drive away.

7-11 or Circle K didn't exist, so filling in the shopping gaps took place at a local general type store that handled more than just food. But, if tools or duct tape were needed a small hardware store would be your destination.

Gas stations only sold gas, not sandwiches, cold drinks, and candy. Selections of most products were rather limited and out-of-season fruits and vegetables were generally unavailable year round.

No ATM Machines. If you were low on cash you made a trip to a local bank, you talked with a real teller while she (few male tellers!) cashed your check. If cash ran short on weekends, then you didn't spend it because there was no way to get any more.

Vacations that involved mostly sitting, talking, or napping. Many of us spent the family vacation at the beach, or at a church camp in the woods. Others would pile in the family station wagon and visit relatives.

I spent many joyous summers on my grandfather's summer "farm", a two story home and barn on 36 acres about 2 hours north of Pittsburgh.

There was no electricity and no running water. All we had to keep us busy for two weeks was our imagination and helping granddad repair something that needed fixing. The outhouse was down the path and the kerosene lanterns were all we needed to have someone read us a story before bed. And the hammock was always occupied.

I could continue with another page or two, but I bet I've stimulated some memories of yours. What do you remember growing up with that no longer exists, or most younger folks would think belongs in a museum? Are we better off with the newer "models?" In many cases, yes. But, there are parts of our lives growing up that younger folks will never experience and that's too bad. My satisfying retirement is certainly built on some of the things that are no longer part of our world.

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