I suggest the same requirement exists in our personal lives. A satisfying retirement is going to require getting rid of things on a regular basis that no longer serve a purpose or just clutter up your life. A life accumulates various types of "trash" that is best dumped.
Self-imposed Limits. I'm hard pressed to think of anything more destructive to our personal development and growth than limits we put on ourselves. We think we aren't very creative so we never explore that part of us. We have been told by someone in the past we aren't very smart or strong or productive or capable or.....(fill in your externally imposed limits). We have internalized that judgment of part of us by accepting someone else's view of our abilities as true. So, we no longer try.
We have failed at a previous attempt to form a meaningful relationship, start a business, write a book, learn to play tennis, grow vegetables in the back yard....whatever...and so we are afraid. We eliminate the chance of failure by refusing to try. Actually, we eliminate the chance of success.
Self-imposed limits are part of the trash of our life that must be disposed of on a regular basis. These limits will limit your happiness and your satisfaction. These limits will make it impossible for you to grow to your potential. Label these self-imposed limits for what they are: garbage that needs to go.
Habits that no longer serve a purpose. We all have them. They could be habits we know aren't good for us but are tough to dump. They could be habits that affect our interaction with others. The list is long and the causes are complicated. I tried to quit smoking at least five times before it actually stuck back in the late 80's.
In this case, though, I'm referring to habits, or patterns of behavior, that once served us well, but no longer do. Previous posts have talked about how I fell into a routine of reading two newspapers every morning, until I realized I was wasting my most productive time of the day on something that could be done later (or eventually dropped completely). Maybe we have always answered every e-mail the second it hits our inbox, until we realize that is amazingly unproductive. Going out to eat several nights a week is an easy habit to develop. Cooking after a full day of work is not something everyone looks forward to. But, now that you are retired, the pattern of eating most dinners at a restaurant no longer serves the same purpose. Also, it is probably putting a major dent in your retirement budget. I used to buy lots of books from Amazon, until I ran out of bookshelf space. Now, the library, with the purchase of an occasional book I really want to read is a much better match to my lifestyle.
We are resistant to change and comfortable with our routines. In fact, for many of us, our routines comfort us to the point where even the simplest change takes effort. But, are the routines and habits still serving a purpose? Do some of them need to be taken to the curb?
Grudges and Past Hurts. Here is a tough one. Doesn't it feel good to dislike someone who did you wrong all those years ago. It is easy to work up a towering inferno or rage and anger...until you stop to remember what caused the problem in the first place, and can't. Or, you review where the grudge came from and now, years later, it seems so petty and silly.
Holding on to an insult, or unkind action is never very helpful. It may feel good for a moment to zing someone back, but rarely does it solve the problem. Even worse is to allow a past hurt to fester for years, preventing you from moving on.
Taking out the trash every week helps keep your house free of clutter and unpleasant smells. Getting rid of the trash in your life is more complicated, but every bit as important to your satisfying retirement.
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Bob,
ReplyDeleteWhat a problem getting through the habits and behaviors you accumulate (and the longer you live the more of them you have). It is hard to be objective and do what makes sense instead of the routine. The most tragic is when they involve relationships.
Ralph,
ReplyDeleteIsn't it unfair that as we age we lose hair, add wrinkles, and gain unneccesary habits. You are absolutely correct: the type of "trash" I'm referring to can become toxic in a relationship if not dealt with.
Bob,
ReplyDeleteBad habits and grudges and unforgiveness are two ways we continue to hurt ourselves. I'm good at projecting it on to others. My spiritual practices help me stay on the straight and narrow!
Great post Bob. I have been thinking along the same lines but you are approaching it to a deeper level.
ReplyDeleteI am now deciding to let my right brain, that is my creative self, have more control of my life. That is something I have more or less resisted all these years. As an engineer I had always thought it was necessary to approach everything from a purely analytical standpoint. That is garbage I am throwing away. Why not let my illogical creative juices flow once in a while.
Another thing we all get stuck in is the fear of change. That fear is very strong in some of us. If we just embraced change instead of fearing it, it would make our lives much less stressful and maybe even more exciting.
So, I say change is your friend, embrace it.
Tess,
ReplyDeleteProjecting our problems onto others gives the type of issues you mentioned double the damage.
Readers, check out Tess's web site. She knows how to live the bold life.
RJ,
ReplyDeleteChange is very hard for almost everyone. Try something as simple as altering your morning routine in the bathroom, or how you wash yourself when you shower. It is tough!
Life changes are so much harder. Letting your creative side out of its cage won't be easy. But, if you manage it, you may need another blog just to talk about all your ideas!
Interesting metaphor since right now we are adjusting to trash pick up every other week and composting (food scraps and yard debris) pick up every week. The overflowing trash can and the one tiny bag of food scraps in the compost can says it all.
ReplyDeleteI will use your self-imposed limits caution as an excuse to share with you that I just got my black belt in taekwondo, just before my 60th birthday. So I am taking your advice to heart!
Hi, Bob... I think another aspect of "trash" is allowing oneself to be bothered by small things. For somewhere or another, I read that "you can tell the size of a man by the size of the things that bother him." Bill
ReplyDeleteBill,
ReplyDeleteI like that quote. Yes, we do stress over so many things that are unimportant, or we can't do anything about it anyway. Worry is something that I could take out a can full everyday and be better off.
Galen,
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the Black Belt! That is quite an accomplishment at any age.
Trash pickup every 2 weeks? That will force lots of people to simplify and cut back. We have trash/garbage and recycling once a week and that works out well for us.
I like to think I'm good at taking out the trash, but, of course, we can always use a check-up. It's been many years since I've explored my artistic self, so it might be time for that again; still, I know it's there because I located it and pursued it and enjoyed it. And strength (good example!)...I grew up hearing that I was delicate but I tackled that one, too, and continue to do so.
ReplyDeleteAh-ha! I think I've found a bit of trash I want to dispose of. I won't share it now, because it's personal and I'm just beginning to peek at it, but I may choose to share it when I've got it hog-tied and wrestled to the ground. Pardon the mixed metaphors (trash, rodeos...whatever).
Thanks for this!
Nance,
ReplyDeleteA new bit of trash to dispose of...sounds like a blog spot brewing for Mature Landscaping.
Your writing certainly qualifies as creative and artistic. Read what passes for good writing coming out of the typical college students and you'll see why texting is so popular, and why writing well is becoming a lost art.