August 18, 2010

Household Duties: The Benefits of Sharing

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One of the biggest stumbling blocks to a satisfying retirement can be the adjustment that must occur when one partner is now home all day. Routines and responsibilities that have been handled a certain way are suddenly upended. This is especially true if the other person has already stopped working, or has been a stay-at-home spouse. In my case, since I traveled a lot with my job my wife had a solid grasp of what needed to be done and how and by whom. When I stopped working there was this extra body who wanted to change how and when tasks were performed. Ten years later we have a system that works well, but it didn't come without a few detours down the unhappy highway.


Chores & Responsibilities

Handling some household chores maybe a sticking point for the partner who has stopped working. I assume the thinking is "I have worked hard all my life. Now, it is my time to relax." That attitude is not going to fly. The person you are telling this to has been working hard his or her entire life, too. You get to stop, and they don't?  A much better approach is to realize helping around the house will make your life a whole lot more pleasant.

Quite simply, it is the fair thing to do. You live there. You make a mess. You have some basic skills that allow you to vacuum or do the laundry or dust. Why wouldn't you assume you are partly responsible for the maintenance of your home?  Trust me, your own self-interests will benefit greatly from playing fair in the chore game.

Benefits of Sharing Chores

Helping your partner gives you a much deeper appreciation for what she or he did all those years you got to drive away every morning and left the other to handle everything. Empathy is a mark of a mature person. It is also smart. Even if you live a minimalist lifestyle with little clutter, no household runs by itself. Who do you think keeps the refrigerator full?  How come your clothes drawer has socks that match? Notice all the unsung work that has been done for years on your behalf.

Helping with the chores frees up more of your spouse's time so the two of you can go have fun together. One of the major benefits of not working is you have time to strengthen the relationships that mean the most to you. That takes effort and spending extra time doing things you both enjoy. By sharing chores, you help create opportunities for these special moments together.

What We Do

My wife and I have a simple system that works well. We make a list of the basic household chores and I do them all. No, not true. We split the list in half. Then, every two weeks we switch lists. I am not a big fan of dusting, but I only have to do it once a month so no biggie. By rotating chores the sense of being in this together is enhanced.  One partner doesn't get stuck doing the same things over and over.

By the way, I have done my own laundry almost my entire married life. I am not sure how we arrived at this arrangement, but I'm so used to it now I assume it is how all married or committed couples operate. In talking with friends, I gather that is not true. But, it works for us.


How about your system, or lack of one? How do you split chores with your spouse or significant other? Have you recently had to adjust for a newly retired person in your midst? Are you ready to scream...yet?

Please share yuur stories, good and bad. We can all learn to improve in this important area of retirement adjustments.


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4 comments:

  1. My husband is at home and I still work. He does the minimum amount of work he can -- cleaning up after making his own lunch and breakfast, occasionally running the dishwasher, etc., but he never takes any initiative to cook dinner or run the vacuum......let alone laundry. He'd rather go buy more socks and boxers than run the darn washer.

    I'm retiring in December and need to work out some way to get him to understand that I really need his cooperation and help around the house when I retire. I know my attitude will not be very good if he sits around or paints (he's an artist) while I do all the work.

    Any suggestions?

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  2. I'd afraid your situation isn't all that uncommon. I imagine you've tried talking to him about this and how your worried about the future?

    He's an artist so he responds to visual stimulation. Would a chore chart (yours & his) on the wall help? Could you simply do your dishes and your clothes and leave his alone until he notices and then use that as a conversation starter? Is it possible he is simply not conscious of his lapses in this area and will respond well to your steps?

    I wish you luck, and deeply appreciate your taking the time to share your concerns.

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  3. Hi Bob,
    I'm a first-time visitor to your site, and found you via that lovely Sandra (@AlwaysWellWithn). I've been appreciating your words and can relate.

    I like your ideas about making a list, and then you doing everything. (LOL --- good one!) ;)
    No, really, I like your idea about dividing things and then swapping lists later on.

    My hubs and I tend to split things, but it turns out that the things I don't like doing as much --- he does, and vice versa, so that works for us.

    Keep up the great topics and perspective, I think it important to be writing from your perspective. We need you.
    ~xo

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  4. Lori,

    Welcome! I'm glad you stopped by. I really appreciate the very supportive comments. This post originally was written about 4 months ago, but with a little reworking I thought the information was worth a second pass.

    Sandra writes one of my favorite blogs. She and I have developed a nice cyber friendship over the past several months.

    Your system of splitting duties and having it work out is tremendous. It is all about compromise, isn't it.

    I just clicked over to JaneBeNimble which looks fascinating. One of the greatest things about blogging is finding new sites and meeting new people. I'm so glad you marked your visit with a comment.

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